Speak Up
by mellysaurus
Summary: Rebekah Hardy is the younger, adoptive sister of the famous Hardy Boyz. After a horrific event during the summer sends her into a spiralling crash course of depression, Rebekah tries to live life through high school as a silent outcast. Will she survive the school year and learn to speak again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yet again, another new story even though I can barely keep up with the ones I've got haha but this is another idea I got in my head and just had to write it up. Read and Review? **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the WWE or TNA or any of the wrestlers. I only own my OC's. **

I sit in the passenger side of my older brother's car. Jeff's driving me today. He's only driving me because dad doesn't trust that I would get the bus.

Jeff: I'll pick you up after school okay?

Me:

Jeff isn't really my brother, neither is Matt and their dad isn't really my dad. I'm adopted. I was taken away from my alcoholic mother when I was only a year old and put into care. I spent a few years in care homes until I met Jeff. He was with the WWE and came to the hospital I was in to sign casts and things. I told him my story and then less than a month later I was living with him, his dad and his brother. I call Gil my dad. He's as good as in my eyes. He always wanted a little girl and well, here I am. Only, I'm not a little girl any more. I'm one big messed up failure of a teenager.

I look a bit like my brothers. I have black hair that gets too curly if I go to bed with it wet. I have the same greenie-brown eyes and everyone says we laugh the same. If you didn't know that I was adopted, you probably couldn't guess.

Jeff pulls into the parking lot of my high school. He's wearing a cap and sunglasses so he doesn't steal any attention from me. Ha. Like that will work. In 9th grade I made a lot of friends through people knowing that I was the sister of the famous Hardy Boyz. I doubt that any of them will speak to me now. Not after that night.

When Jeff pulls to a stop, I open the door and get out. I wave a slight goodbye and start walking towards hell. That's what I'm going to call it, because that's what it is. I'm in 11th grade now and as I walk through the overly sized doors to the main corridor of school I have to remind myself that I only have two more years left here. Two more years, that's all I have to survive.

Juniors collect their timetables from the gym and there's an overwhelming buzz of people hugging and telling each other that they've missed them. No one hugs me. No one tells me that they've missed me. I shrug it off, I don't really care anyway.

I head towards the gym, dodging in and out of the new seniors and the occasional lost freshman. I walk in and collect my time table. I don't look at it instead I make a beeline for the corridor where my locker is. It's the same place as last year. That's what I like about high school. Once you have your locker, it stays there. A little bit of security in this jungle of a mess.

Once at my locker, I look at my timetable. I have English first with Mrs Scane. I had her in my freshman year and she is horrible. Sighing, I put some of my books that I won't use today into my locker and head off to my first class of the year.

I sit in the middle row right at the end and hope that one of my friends might sit near me but as they file into the classroom they all ignore me and sit down in the front row or the back row. Typical, I want to stand up and scream at them, tell them what happened but instead I bite the inside of my lip and sort out my note book for the lesson.

A girl who I presume is new comes in and takes the only empty seat in the class, the seat next to me; she smiles as she gets out her pens and notebook. I half smile and nod as Mrs Scane stands up and demands the class' attention, a demand that isn't met.

The new girl turns and smiles at me.

New girl: My name's Natalie, I moved here from Charlotte in the summer.

Me: Rebekah, I live in Cameron.

We're doing poetry in English. I like poetry, I like reading it anyway. I don't know about writing it, I've never tried. Mrs Scane has a hat in her hands. She says that there are topics in the hat and everyone has to pick one out of the hat to write their final poems about. She comes around the tables and everyone picks their topic. Many people are moaning and asking to swap. A tall boy, Joshua, who has been in my class since junior school puts his hand up.

Joshua: Miss how am I meant to write a poem about trees?

Mrs Scane: You use your brain Joshua, that's how.

Joshua shuts up. He knows that he just got told by the teacher. Mrs Scane slowly makes her way around to the table Natalie and I are sitting at. She pushes the hat towards me and I put my hand in, there are not many pieces of paper left so I pick one out at random. I unfold the paper and read.

Silence.

I shrug. I like silence, I practically live my life in it so writing a poem should be easy.

Natalie speaks to me throughout the lesson. All the while earning us both the death glare from my old best friend, Cara, we met in the first year of middle school and clicked instantly. She said that she didn't care who my brothers were, she thought I was cool. Now, she just glares at me. I ignore her and try to pay attention to the lesson. It doesn't work. Mrs Scane has the kind of voice that would send even the most at tentative person to sleep.

English finishes and I go onto my next lesson, French. I like French, it's a beautiful language one time when I visited the WWE, WWE Diva Maryse taught me some French. She spoke it beautifully.

Again, like my last lesson I sit in the middle row. There are a few other people in the class that I recognise from last year but I never really speak to any of them. Madame Baddely teaches French. She's one of only two French teachers in the school. I like her.

As more people start to file in I notice that two of my old friends, Gabby and Ella, walk in. I try to smile at them but they turn their heads. I bite my lip and look back down at my notebook. They sit as far away from me as they could get.

One of the last people to walk in is Natalie. She smiles at me and sits down in the empty seat to my right.

Natalie: I think we're going to have most of our lessons together at least I'll know someone.

I just nod and look out of the window. There's a bird swooping and soaring through the sky. I wonder what it would be like to be a bird, free and happy. At least, I think birds are happy. Why wouldn't they be?

Madame Baddely reckons that she's going to teach the whole in French without speaking a word of English. I don't think it's going to go very well.

* * *

At lunch time I head to the lunch hall. I hate the lunch hall, it's filled with cliques and when you don't belong to a certain one, you have to sit on your own and usually food is thrown at you or something equally as awful as that.

I get into the lunch queue. I'm not really hungry but it's better than doing nothing.

Natalie: Rebekah!

I turn and see her waving madly at me. She indicates me to join of her at the back of the queue; I shrug and move out to join her. Like I said, I'm not really hungry anyway.

Natalie: What's good food here? Maybe I should just try a little bit of everything they have to offer. What's the harm?

I shrug. She talks a lot. I think I may have already stated that. Like she said she would, Natalie gets a little bit of everything. I just get a few fries and an apple. We sit down on a non-clique table. Natalie starts eating; she chomps down on her food. She looks up at me and places her hand over her mouth. She swallows her mouthful.

Natalie: Sorry, I don't have very good table manners. So do you live with your parents?

I chewed my lip debating on whether or not to tell her about my heritage and decided I would.

Me: I'm adopted.

Natalie looks shocked for a moment.

Natalie: Oh my, I'm sorry. I didn't even think.

I smile and shrug.

Me: No worries.

Natalie smiles, she seems to like it when I speak. She's the only one. She speaks a little bit about her family. Her parents are divorced and she now lives with her Dad. She has no brothers or sisters. She's lucky.

Natalie: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Me: Two brothers. They're both a lot older.

Natalie: What are their names?

Me: Jeff and Matt. You'll know them when you see them, they're both professional wrestlers.

Natalie makes an O shape with her mouth but looks blank.

Natalie: I've never watched wrestling before so I probably wouldn't know them.

I smile. She's the first person I've ever spoken to about my brothers that doesn't know who they are. I nibble on a French fry and smile. I think maybe we could be friends.

* * *

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Wherever I walk in the halls whispers follow me. I block them out. Whispers aren't really worth listening to. Jeff told me that in middle school. He said that if he'd listened to all the whispers about him when he was in high school, he would never have got as far as he has.

Matt's waiting for me in the parking lot. There's a crowd of people nearby. They're whispering. He notices them and waves. A few plastic girls, probably cheerleaders, jump up and down and scream. I roll my eyes at them and feel like yelling about him not being as great as he seems but that would be a lie because my brother, as annoying as he is, is great.

I get into the car and put my belt on. Matt smiles and starts the ignition.

Matt: So how was school?

Me: Fine.

He starts the short but long drive back into Cameron. Soon I would be in the safety and comfort of my bedroom. I have some homework to do, English, I have to start thinking about what I'm going to write in my poem. I don't really have any clue.

We pull into the drive. Jeff's messing around with his dirt bike again. He's covered in oil. He looks up at me as I walk past.

Jeff: Good day at school?

Me:

I ignore him and walk into the house. Dad's in the lounge watching T.V, I decide not to go talk to him and head straight up to my room.

My room looks like it did 6 years ago. I don't have the will power to re-decorate. The walls are covered with WWE posters, signed ones and non-signed ones, I was a big fan once. I wanted to be a wrestler but that's all changed now the main thing I want is peace.

I sling my bag onto the floor and flop onto my bed. I look at the blank white ceiling. It's amazing how interesting blank things can be when you have nothing else to do. I close my eyes.

Day one of hell over and now only 98 days to go until Christmas.


	2. Chapter 2

The first week back at school passed in a blur and it's now week two. I sit in English next to Natalie. She's chewing furiously on her pen.

Natalie: I have no idea whether or not to make my poem rhyme and I have no idea how I'm going to write a decent poem about paint.

I just nod and agree. That's what I do most when she talks to me. It's amazing that she still wants to be my friend.

Natalie: Seriously though, you have an easy subject. There's loads you can write about silence.

I nod in agreement again. She's right, there are lots you can write about silence but I just can't seem to do it. I scribble out the few lines I had written and stare out of the window. There's no bird flying outside today.

I can hear Cara talking on the other side of the room. She's sitting with Joshua and Ella. She whispers something and they all laugh. She glares over her shoulder at me then turns around again to whisper something that's apparently hilarious to Ella. Mrs Scane snaps her head up from her desk and tells them to shut up. Ha. They just got told.

I look down at my now blank piece of paper and think of silence. I scribbled down the word and just looked at it seeing if it would scream an awesome opening line at me but it didn't.

The door of the classroom opens behind me and he walks in. I hadn't seen him since that night. I close my eyes shut and hope that I'm day dreaming but when I open them he's striding towards Mrs Scane.

Him: I've been moved into this class.

My heart is hammering in my chest and I look around to make sure there's no way he could sit next to me. Natalie catches my eye and frowns. She mouths the words "are you okay?" to me. I nod and swallow the lump in my throat. He sits next to Ella in the row in front of me. He smirks at her in his typical way and she melts at the seams. I pray that he hasn't seen me but I have no luck. He turns around and smirks at me. I snap my head away from him and fight back the tears. At the moment, I don't think this day could get any worse.

* * *

It gets worse. I finish putting my books away in my locker and close the door. Right now all I want to do is get home to the safety of my closet. That's where I go when I need to escape. My closet is just big enough for me to climb into and close the door. I imagine it's some sort of Narnia.

I go to head outside to catch the bus home when I see him. He's walking towards me with a giant smirk on his face. I stand frozen in fear. I don't know what to do. My heart's hammering so fast it feels as though it's going to tear through my rib cage and onto the floor.

He slows down as he walks past me.

Him: What's up sweet heart? Do you not like me anymore?

I don't say anything. I can't say anything. I can't even run. He reaches out and flicks a piece of my hair. I feel like I'm going to collapse. He laughs before he walks away. I can hear his laughter follow me down the corridor as I gather myself back together and run out of the school.

I run onto my bus and sit down. My heart is still hammering and I feel like my head is going to explode. I can't get away from him. When I close my eyes, he's there. When I go to school, he's there. I shake my head as a tear falls down my cheek. I take a deep breath and think about how I'd be home soon.

Jeff isn't outside today when I get home. I practically run up the drive and into the house. Matt shouts after me but I ignore him. I run into my room and without taking my bag off, dive into the closet.

I slide down the back of the closet as the doors swing closed. I tuck my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I place my head in my knees and let out the tears I'd been holding in.

It feels good to cry. Crying lets me know that I'm still human.

I don't know how long I've been in the closet just embracing in the safety of my clothes and the darkness when the doors open and Jeff's standing on the other side. He has a worried expression on his face. He doesn't live here anymore but he might as well.

Jeff: What are you doing in there again?

Me:

I just look at him blankly. He must know I've been crying. He kneels down and reaches out a hand to me. Without realising, I flinch. He stands up with an un explainable expression on his face.

Jeff: Do you want to come out? Beth cooked dinner for everyone.

Beth is Jeff's wife. They make a perfect couple. I'd like to have a marriage like his one day. I look up at him and nod.

Slowly, I climb out of the closet and take my bag off. All the while Jeff watches me. I think he's worried. I would love to tell him what happened and how I feel but I can't and even if I could, he probably wouldn't believe me.

I follow him downstairs and into the dining room. Beth and Dad are already seated. Beth smiles at me.

Beth: How are you?

Me: Fine.

I sit down next to dad and he puts a hand on my shoulder, again I flinch. Both he and Jeff are now giving my weird looks. I fake a smile and start slowly eating the food. I don't eat much anymore but Beth cooks really good food.

I can feel everyone watching me as I eat, especially Jeff. He's not stupid. He knows I only sit in the closet when something's wrong.

After dinner everyone heads outside to sit in the warm evening sun. Jeff smokes and his friends Shannon and Shane come over with their wives. Shannon's cool. He's a tattoo artist. He promises that he'll tattoo me when I'm old enough.

I sit on the steps and just watch everyone else have a good time. I'm not in the mood to have a good time. Shannon walks towards me and sits down.

Shannon: What's up Becca?

He always calls me Becca. He has since I was young. I look at him and shrug. He goes to put his arm around me but I flinch. Shannon frowns at me.

Shannon: You know you can tell me what's going on in that head of yours you know?

Me: I'm fine. Just tired.

I fake a smile. I can tell he's not convinced. I stand up and smile at him again before going inside. I grab a drink of juice from the refrigerator before going up to my room.

I sit down at my desk and look at my laptop. Jeff and Matt bought me it for my birthday. I open the lid and turn it on. It comes to life with a bleep and I wait for it to warm up properly before opening the internet.

I smile as my blog opens up as my home page. I set it up during the summer and have been updating everyday if I can. I click to make a new post and write down the date before starting to type.

_I saw him today. I haven't seen him since that night. That night haunts me every time I go to sleep and without Jeff being at home there's no pain killers to help me sleep. I'm thinking of going to the doctors and getting my own but then I would have to tell them why I'm not sleeping and that's not something I want to do. _

_He's in my English class. He sits right in front of me. I think I'm going to stop going to English. I can't face him. His smirk and the way that he's already latched himself onto Ella. I want to warn her but I know she won't listen. If I told her what happened she would just think I'm lying. _

_I don't know what to do. _

I post the blog post. I have tears in my eyes, I was going to check face book but I know that no one would have messaged me so I just turn my laptop off and get ready for bed.

I climb into my bed and hide myself under the covers and hum a random tune to myself. I don't know what song it is that I'm humming but it's comforting so I continue. Eventually, I fall asleep.

**A/N: Read and Review? **


	3. Chapter 3

Thank God it's the weekend. I wake up on the Saturday morning and sit up. I go over to my window and look out over the Hardy Compound. I see Jeff going around the dirt track on his bike in the distance and Dad's in the garage working on one of his old cars.

I put on my robe and head downstairs I can't be bothered to get dressed today. For the first time in a while, I'm hungry. I look in the cupboards and grab a packet of cookies. I shrug and go into the lounge.

I turn the T.V on and settle down on the couch. There's re-runs of America's Next Top Model on so I decide to watch that. They're showing the whole season in one day. I think I'll see how many episodes I can watch in a row.

I snack on cookies and eat the whole packet. I scrunch the packet up and hide it in my pocket. I'll blame Jeff and Matt for eating them. I tuck my legs up towards my chest and lean my head on my knees. Dad's still outside, he'll be in the car sheds until dinner.

I have homework to do but I honestly can't be bothered. I'm rubbish at math so I don't do it. It's really that simple. I know my grades are falling but there's bigger things to worry about than my grades. Only, my Dad doesn't feel the same way. When he sees my report card in a few weeks he's going to freak.

After 4 episodes of America's Next Top Model, my phone rings. I pick it up expecting it to be Jeff or Matt but I'm pleasantly surprised to see that it's Natalie. I answer the phone and she starts talking immediately.

Natalie: My Dad says I can have friends over for dinner today and the only person I could think of inviting is you. Would you like to?

I'm silent for a little while. Natalie classes me as a friend. I smile.

Me: Yes. That would be nice.

I can hear her shout to her dad about collecting me. He calls back asking where I live. She shouts back Cameron. Her dad shouts back saying where about.

Natalie: Where about in Cameron?

Me: Boys Camp Road drive along and you'll see a sign for The Hardy Compound then you'll see the house but your dad doesn't have to come and collect me. I can ask Jeff or Matt.

Natalie: Don't be silly. Dad wants to go to the supermarket anyway. We'll see you soon.

Me: Okay. See you soon.

I put my phone on the couch next to me and stand up. I need to get dressed.

Dad's still outside when I get back from getting dressed. I'm wearing a denim skirt with tights and a chequered shirt. I head out the back and find dad in the shed.

Dad: You alright Rebekah?

Me: I'm going out. Natalie's invited me round for dinner.

Dad wipes his oily hands on a dirty towel and smiles.

Dad: That's lovely Rebekah but how are you getting there and back?

Me: Her father's picking me up.

Dad nods and leans forward to kiss me on the forehead.

Dad: Just be safe please.

I hold back a scoff. He wasn't saying that when it happened. I just smile and nod. He smiles back and goes back to doing whatever he was doing with the cars.

I turn and walk back into the house. I don't know if I want to take anything to Natalie and decide to ring her to ask. She picks up after the third ring.

Natalie: Please don't tell me you're cancelling.

Me: No, just wondering if I should bring anything?

Natalie: No you don't need to, just yourself.

Me: Okay. I'll see you soon.

I hang up and just wonder around the house for a while. A text comes through on my phone. It's Natalie saying that they're only 5 minutes away. I smile. It's nice to be wanted by someone even if she is annoying and talks to much.

I walk out the front to see if I can spot their car. I walk past the shed and wave to Dad. He waves and calls out something but I don't hear him. I'm walking onto Boys Camp Road when a golf buggy stops in front of me.

Jeff: Where are you going?

Me: Natalie's.

Jeff: Do you need a lift?

Me: No. They're coming to get me.

Jeff smiles. I think that he thinks I'm finally getting better but the truth is, he couldn't be more wrong.

Jeff: Well look after yourself girl, if you need me to collect you just ring.

I nod and wave to him as he starts driving back to Matt's. I wave at him and then wrap my arms around myself. I hope that Natalie hurries up. I hate being out here alone. Luckily, I'm only waiting for 5 minutes when Natalie's Dad pulls up. I get into the car and introduce myself, I'm silent for the rest of the way to hers.

* * *

Natalie's house is only a 20 minute drive from mine. It's a small house, much smaller than mine but it's comfy and a place that someone like Natalie would happily call home. As soon as we get in she hurries me into her room.

Her room is nicely decorated. The walls are cream but brightly colored circles are painted around the walls. The odd photo and poster are taped to the walls too. It looks like a grown up bedroom, unlike mine.

We sit on her bed and she chats about random things like band members she finds cute.

Natalie: Don't you just love All Time Low. They're really good. I love Alex so much. He's just so sweet don't you think?

Me: They're okay.

Her father comes up and asks us whether or not we would like any snacks. Natalie says yes and I just nod like an idiot. He probably hates me. Oh well, he can join the long line of haters.

Natalie has a T.V in her bedroom. a T.V with cable. She puts on the channel I was watching at home. They're still showing re-runs of America's Next Top Model.

Natalie: Wouldn't you love to be a model? You have the right build to be a model. You'd be a natural.

I look at her sideways. Does she really think that I have model looks? She must be more blind than she thinks she is. We watch T.V for most of the night. Natalie talks a lot like normal and I just listen. It's easier that way; just nod and pretend like you're interested.

We get to sleep in the early hours of the morning but I don't sleep for long. I never do anymore. Sleep hasn't been my friend since that night. Tonight, every time I close my eyes I see him smirking and getting close to Ella. I want to warn her before he gets too close but it might already be too late. I don't know what I'd do if it was too late. I wonder if she would be like me? Or would she be brave? I sit up in the airbed that Natalie pumped up for me and rub sleep from my eyes. Natalie is snoring lightly in her bed and it's pitch black outside. I curl my knees up towards me. I find comfort in this position but not much. I look around the room in the light from the hall and spot Natalie's laptop. I scuttle over the floor and pick it up before taking it back to my airbed. I'm sure Natalie won't mind me borrowing it.

It comes to life and I open up the internet and head to my blog. I haven't posted since Thursday. I open a new blog page and start to type.

_I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes all I can see is him with her and it's killing me. I need to warn her about him but I don't know how. She won't even look at me. I have to think of something. Maybe I'll post a note through her locker. I could type it so she doesn't recognize my handwriting. I think that's what I'll do. _

_I'm at a friends for a sleep over. She's asleep and I can't sleep. It doesn't seem fair really but life isn't fair. If there's something I've learned from this mess it's that. _

_I'm so tired. I just want some sleep. I need to go to Jeff's soon. I'll raid his medicine supply just take a few pain killers. He won't even know they're missing. _

_I'm going to try and go back to sleep now. _

_Night. _

I log out of my blog and turn Natalie's laptop off. I put it back where I found it and lie back down. It's going to be a long night and I just hope that the dreams stay away.

* * *

_It's the annual summer party at Matt's house and the music is blaring. I invited loads of my friends along and many of them were dancing to the live band in the out house. I'm sitting with Connor by the pool. He has his arm around my shoulder and is saying sweet things into my ear. _

_Connor: You're so beautiful Rebekah. Even your name is beautiful. _

_I curl up closer to his body and he places kisses across my face and neck. He's a senior and I know that people are noticing that we're together. His hands are wondering and I feel a little uneasy. He leans closer into me and assures me that it's going to be okay_

_Connor: Shall we go somewhere more private? _

_I don't really want to go but he's gorgeous and the words he was using were charming and convinced me that everything was going to be fine. He took my hand and we headed out of the yard and into the woods slightly. _

_He wraps his arm around me and kisses me furiously. _

I wake up and sit bolt upright. I'm sweating and breathing heavily. I look over to make sure that Natalie is still asleep and let out a sigh of relief. She's still asleep and snoring lightly. I wipe my hand over my forehead. I have tears dried on my cheeks. I can't shake the memory of his smirk. It's forever etched in my mind. I clamp my eyes shut but it doesn't work. I check the time. It's now 8 in the morning. I lie back down and stare at the ceiling, I hope Natalie wakes up soon.

I lie back down with my back facing Natalie and listen out for her waking up. I heard the bed creak.

Natalie: Rebekah? Are you awake?

I stretch to make it seem like I've only just woken up myself and sit up. Natalie beams at me. Her hair is a mess and her make-up is smudged where she didn't take it off last night.

Natalie: Did you sleep well?

Me: Yes thank you.

It's easier to lie. I've learned that lesson very well. Natalie smiles and swings her legs off the bed. She heads to her closet and pulls out some clothes for the day. I reach for my bag and pull it onto my lap. I get my own clothes out of the bag. A pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt. Natalie dresses in smart jeans and a nice t-shirt. We couldn't be more different.

We go into the bathroom so Natalie can put her make-up on.

Natalie: You should wear make-up, it would make you even prettier than you already are.

Me:

She puts on some eyeliner and mascara along with some foundation. She really is pretty, I'm not pretty. Natalie just says that to make me feel better.

After Natalie's finished putting her make-up on and we've both brushed our hair. She looks much better than I do. We go downstairs. Mr Peters' cooking breakfast. He cooks bacon and eggs and fried bread. I'm not that hungry so I nibble on a few slices of bacon and a slice of friend bread.

Mr Peters: So do you live with your parents Rebekah?

Me: I live with my Dad.

It's easier than telling him that I'm adopted.

Mr Peters: And have you always lived in Cameron?

Me: Born and bred in The Hardy Compound.

Again, a lie. It's what Jeff says when people ask him whether or not he's always lived in Cameron.

Mr Peters: That's really nice. It seems like a wonderful place.

Me: It is. Both my brothers live on near too.

Mr Peters smiles and starts washing up the dirty plates. Natalie has eaten two plates of fried breakfast. She eats loads but never seems to put on any weight. She's lucky.

Natalie: So what do you want to do today?

I shrug, I kind of want to go home but I can't really say that. Natalie was nice enough to invite me around. We decide to watch a few films. Her dad brings in popcorn and chips in bowls. We watch the first Harry Potter film. I like this film a lot.

After the film her Dad comes in and tells us to get ready. He says that he'll drop me home and then him and Natalie will go to the supermarket on their way back. I smile and say thank you before following Natalie up the stairs to collect my bag.

We get onto Boys Camp Road and I point out the landmarks like Jeff's house, Matt's house and the dirt bike track. Natalie has her eyes wide open and a big smile on her face. She turns to me.

Natalie: This place is awesome. You're so lucky that you get to live here.

I smile and nod. As we pull into my house I notice that there's two of three golf buggies in the yard. We get around on golf buggies here because we're too far away to walk quickly but also too close to drive. It was mainly set up for Dad.

I thank Mr Peters for letting me stay and promise Natalie that I'll see her in school on Monday. Mr Peters says that I'm welcome over anytime and as they drive away Natalie waves madly from the passenger seat. I wave back and head inside to deal with all the family members that were inside.

I walk into the living room and as I suspected it was full. Jeff and Beth were on one couch, Dad was in his chair and Matt and his girlfriend Reby were on the other couch. I pop my head through the door.

Me: I'm home.

Everyone looks up and smiles.

Dad: Have a good time?

I nod and turn to leave. I don't really fancy being sociable today.

Jeff: Wait Rebekah, we have something to announce.

I roll my eyes and turn back into the room. I smile. Jeff and Beth look at each other before breaking out into a grin.

Jeff: We're expecting.

Wow. I wasn't expecting that. I find myself smiling and feeling pleased for them. They've been talking about children for a while and now they've finally got their want. Everyone's hugging Beth and shaking Jeff's hand. Congratulating them both. I walk towards them and give both of them a hug.

Me: Congratulations.

I turn away and walk out the room. No one stops me this time. They're all too excited about the new news. I head upstairs to my bedroom and throw my bag on the floor. I sit down on the bed and turn my laptop on. It comes to life with a bing and I log onto my blog to add a new entry.

_I had another nightmare last night. Although to me it feels more like a flashback, I don't know why I can't get this out of my head. It's killing me from the inside out and I don't know how much longer I can go. _

_My sister-in-law is pregnant. She just told everyone. Her and my brother look so happy. I'm jealous of their smiles and their lives. Why can't I be happy? That's all I want, to be happy or to have a full nights sleep. One of the two, I'm really not fussed. I'm going to attempt some math homework now. Wish me luck.  
_

I send the post to my blog and switch my music player on. I put the laptop down the side of my bed and climb into the covers. I sink down below them so they hide me. It's a safe place in this world of madness. I close my eyes and drift of to sleep hoping that the bad dreams will stay away for a few hours.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so so so so so much for all the love that has come with this story whether that be reviews, favourites and alerts! They all mean so much for me especially considering this story is written in a style I haven't tried before but it seems to have worked out for me and I might try it more often. **

**The good news also is... I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP. HORAY! At long last. **

**So thanks for all the reviews and I hope you stick by me for the rest of this story but without further to do, onwards with the show. **

Natalie and I sit in English. The whole classroom is buzzing with talk about the party that one of the senior's is throwing and that everyone is invited. Everyone including me.

Natalie: Oh come on Rebekah, it will be awesome.

I shake my head. That's what Cara said before the last one. My heart is thumping in my chest and I feel like I can't breathe just at the thought of a party. I wrack my brain for an excuse. One that will be believable.

Me: I can't. There's a family BBQ at Jeff's. He wants everyone to be there, it's kind of like a baby shower thing.

I lie but it works. Natalie nods in understanding.

Natalie: It's a shame they both clash.

I nod and pretend like I'm sad about missing the party. Another lie.

Mrs Scane stands up and tries to get everyone to stop talking. She doesn't get very far so gives up and starts writing on the black board. When one of the naughty kids throws a ball of paper that hits her in the back of the head, she spins around angrily and red in the face. She scans the class looking for the culprit and her eyes for some reason fall on me. The kid that threw the ball is pointing at me and Miss Scane believes me.

Mrs Scane: Rebekah Hardy. Did you throw that at me?

Everyone turns and looks at me. I try to find my voice, to stand up for myself but I can't. It doesn't want to come to my aid just like it didn't that night. I shake my head but Miss Scane is fuming so she doesn't see me.

Mrs Scane: Get out.

She points to the door. Natalie has a shocked expression on her face but doesn't stand up for me. Everyone in the class knows it wasn't me but no one calls out to tell the teacher who the real culprit was. They just watch as I gather my things and leave the class room. It's only the first lesson of the day but I decide that if the rest of the day was going to be like the start then it wasn't worth staying.

I walk out of the large double doors that is the main entrance to my high school and hop down the steps. I stand at the bottom and try to think of where I could go and decide that I'll catch the bus into town.

I climb on the bus and buy a return. I'll hang out in town until the end of school time and then head back to school to get my normal bus home. Dad won't suspect a thing and neither will Matt or Jeff.

I get off the bus at Crabtree Valley Mall. It's where Jeff used to bring me when we wanted a day away from the Hardy Compound.

I head inside and just aimlessly walk around looking in all the windows of the shops that have dummies in the window wearing their most expensive and glamorous clothing. I stand in front of one shop just looking up at the dummies. One of them has a long blonde wig on and she's wearing a stunning, little, gold dress. It looks good on the dummie. I look down at myself. I'm wearing tatty, old jeans with one of Jeff's old hoodies. He gave it to me once time before he went travelling with the WWE for a few months and told me I could keep it. I like it even though it's way too big for my stupidly skinny body. It's comfy. I look back up at the dummie and try to imagine myself in the gold dress. I shake my head. It wouldn't look good on me. I have no curves and it's short so it would show my horrible knees. I don't need a dress like that any way.

I walk away from the shop with the pretty gold dress in the window and head towards the food hall. I'm not hungry but I decide to walk around all the different places to eat anyway. There's a pizza place where they sell all you can eat pizza's and there's a diner which serve huge burgers with over sized portions of chips and milkshakes. Jeff and I went there once with Beth when they had just got together. That feels like a life time ago now.

I make my way out of the mall and head along the streets towards the local park. During the day the park is filled with children and their parents that aren't old enough for kindergarten, business people that are on their lunch break and the odd loitering student like myself that should be in school.

I head over to a bench and sit down. The play park is in my view and I watch the young children who have nothing to worry about run around and climb on the climbing frames and swing on the swings. They laugh and shout as they have fun. I try to remember a time when I was carefree like they are but I can't. All I can remember is this feeling of darkness.

I watch the park for a little while longer before I get up and start walking towards the bus stop, I've wasted a whole day just wondering around the mall and the streets of Raleigh and now it's time to head back to school to catch the bus home.

I sit on the bus and stare out of the window. I should do this more often. It was much more fun that staying at home. The bus pulls up near the school and I get off. I thank the driver as I pass him and he nods in appreciation. I hover around the bus stop for a little while before I see people walking from the school. I head back into the grounds and wait for the bus to Cameron to open it's doors.

Natalie: Rebekah! Where have you been all day?

She rushes up to me with a worried expression on her face. I shrug my shoulders. She continues to look worried.

Natalie: I missed you in French.

I turn to her and smile but still say nothing of my whereabouts this afternoon.

The bus driver finally opens the door and we file on. Natalie and I sit in the middle of the bus. She gets off before I do so I sit in the window seat. She talks about what I missed during the day but I don't really listen, I look at the scenery as the bus leaves Raleigh. Before I know it, Natalie is getting off. I say a quick goodbye then go back to watching everything that's going on outside my window. It's more interesting than the conversations going on in the bus.

Half an hour later it's my turn to get off the bus. I thank the driver again but he says nothing. He never says anything, a bit like me really.

I walk down Boys Camp Road towards my house. I pass Matt's house on the way. I close my eyes and focus on the ground rather than the out house. I've never been able to go in the out house since that night which is crazy because it didn't even happen in the out house. I quicken my pace to get past the house. Luckily, Matt isn't outside and doesn't stop me to see how I am. He has a habit for being outside when I get home. I think he does it to check up on me and if he's not outside then Reby sometimes is.

When Matt first got together with Reby, I didn't like her that much. I thought she was fake and stupid but after getting to know her a little bit, she's actually a lot of fun and really nice. She is after all another Rebecca. She just spells her name differently to mine, but ever other Rebecca I know does.

I get to my house and open the door. I stand in the doorway waiting for Dad to appear from the lounge or kitchen but he doesn't so I close the door and head up to my room. He must be out somewhere on the compound. It makes no difference to me, just means no questions and I like it when there's no questions.

I get up to my room and see my phone on my bed. I must have forgotten it today. I shrug and pick it up to see if anyone has messaged me. There's a messege from Jeff asking me if I wanted to go for dinner with him. I smile and text back saying that if it's not too late now that it would be lovely. He replies back quickly saying he would pick me up in an hour and we'll go into Raleigh and go somewhere nice. I message him back saying okay and then sling my phone back down onto the bed.

When Jeff says nice, he means posh and if he was taking me somewhere nice then that means I have to dress nice. I walk over to my closet and open the double doors wide and look inside. I pull out a plain black skater dress. It's a comfy dress and I wore it when Jeff and I last went out for dinner on our own. I throw it onto the bed and continue to look through my clothes. I'm looking through all my clothes when I pull out a red dress. The red dress. I throw it across the room and try to wipe my hands on my legs. I thought I'd thrown it away but there it was. I shake my head as the tears start to fall and the memories invade my mind. I slowly walk over to the dress and pick it up with my finger and thumb. I take it over to my window and open it wide. I throw the dress outside and it floats down onto the roof of the garage. I slam the window closed and run back over to my closet.

I stand and stare inside debating whether or not to climb inside and ignore the world but I decide that I need to be the bigger girl. I need to stop crying. I shake my head and pull out another dress. It's a 50's style dress. It's plain black with a red outline, a semi low cut and a bow that also had a red outline where my hip bone is on the left. It's my favourite dress so I decide to wear that with small black heels and black tights.

Once dressed I head into the bathroom and walk over to the mirror. I stare at my reflection and have to resist the urge to look away. My hair is a mess of un even half curls. My lips are covered in scabs, I have bags under my eyes and it's obvious that I've been crying. I go over to the cupboard and pull out my seldom used make-up bag. I apply some mascara and eyeliner and shrug. It's better than nothing. I put the make-up away and head downstairs.

Dad's in the kitchen. He smiles when he sees me.

Dad: Jeff's just rung, he's just leaving are you all ready?

I nod. Dad's still smiling.

Dad: Give us a twirl then.

I awkwardly turn on the spot. Anyone would think it was my prom or something not just going out with my brother for dinner.

Dad: You look beautiful Rebekah.

He stands up and comes towards me. He wraps his arms around me and I close my eyes tight trying to resist the urge to run away. Dad stepped back, he still had a smile on his face. He turns and goes back into the lounge. I follow him in there and take a seat on one of the couches.

A few minutes later, Jeff walks through the front door. He's wearing a black shirt with a purple. His long hair is tied up in a bun and he's wearing smart trousers. I was right to dress up, we're obviously going somewhere posh for him to make an effort too.

Jeff: All ready to go?

I nod and stand up. Dad stands up too. They're both smiling at me and I look at my feet to avoid their gaze. I walk out into the hall as Jeff goes to talk to dad.

Dad: Don't push her too far Jeff, I know why you're doing this.

I don't mean to listen in but it just happens.

Jeff: I'm not going to push her at all Dad and I'm doing this because we haven't done it in ages and I'm going back on the road soon.

Jeff joins me in the hall with a smile on his face. I return the smile and pretend like I didn't hear what he just said.

Jeff: You look good Rebekah.

I smile and we head out to his car. He's brought the Audi out tonight. I climb into the passenger seat and he climbs into the drivers side.

Jeff: Do you fancy anything in particular. I thought we could go to that posh Italian one. I took Beth there a few months back, it's real good.

I nod. I've always liked Italian food. I would love to go to Italy, I doubt I ever will though. Jeff pulls away from Boys Camp Road and heads into Raleigh.

The way Jeff drives, it only takes us half an hour to get into town. He parks up outside said Italian restaurant and we climbed out. A valet approached us. Jeff gave the small guy, who I recognise from my school, the keys.

Jeff: Look after it kid, those things don't come cheap.

He used the same warning to anyone who offers to park his car. I'm actually surprised that he let a valet take it, usually he parks it himself.

We head towards the restaurant. I was right when I said that it would be posh. It was one of the most posh restaurants I've been too. We step inside and wait by the "please wait here" sign.

A waitress, with blonde hair neatly tied up in a bun on her head. She walks up to the podium thing with a pen in her hand it's now that she looks up and notices who's standing before her. She looks star struck for all of a few seconds before she smiles. She's probably used to celebrities coming in a place like this.

Waitress: Have you got a reservation?

Jeff: Table for Hardy.

The waitress nods and picks up two menus before instructing us to follow her. Whoever organised the tables and who sat where obviously knew of Jeff's status and sat us on a table that was in a discreet corner of the place.

As we followed her to our table, whispers followed and the place fell almost silence. I kept my gaze down and chewed on my lip. This is the reason why I never went out with my brother anymore, the attention was too difficult to cope with.

We sit down at our table and everyone goes back to minding their own business. We order two colas. Jeff's driving and I'm under age so there's no alcohol today. Luckily. I'm never touching that stuff again, not after that night.

Jeff: Rebekah? Are you okay?

I snap out of my daze. Jeff's looking at me with a weird look on his face. It's almost a worried look. I smile.

Me: Yeah.

I lie. Jeff doesn't believe me but luckily the waitress is approaching with our drinks. I look down to the open menu in front of me. All the meals are in posh wording.

Me: Where's the Carbonara?

Jeff chuckles and leans over the table and points to an Italian word. I smile and look up at him.

Me: Thank you.

I haven't spoke this much in what feels like years but with Jeff, speaking is like a second nature.

The waitress comes back over and takes our orders.

Jeff: Tell me honestly, how is school?

He's playing with his napkin, folding it in weird ways to make patterns and sculptures. I smile when he holds up a kind of man.

Me: School's okay. It's okay the work isn't too bad.

We talk about anything and everything and it feels good. I even laugh at a few of his jokes. It's like a break from suffering but like most things, it doesn't last and before I know it, we're back in his Audi on our way back home.

He pulls into my drive and I turn to him.

Me: Thank you.

Jeff leans towards me and gives me a hug before pulling away again.

Jeff: Are you sure you're okay Rebekah?

I swallow the lump in my throat. The question that I thought he was going to avoid tonight comes out right at the end. I want to tell him that I'm not. I want to spill everything out, tell him about that night, about the hell in my mind but I can't. Instead, I fake a smile and nod.

Me: I'm fine. Honestly.

I know Jeff doesn't believe me but he smiles anyway. I thank him for dinner and I head inside. I shout to Dad that I'm home and tell him that I'm going to bed. Only I'm not going to bed.

I run upstairs and straight into my closet. I close the doors and hide between my clothes. I close my eyes and start to cry. My shoulders move with sobs and I can't see through my tears when I open my eyes.

I don't know how long I stay in the closet but when I finally emerge, the house is silent. I can't hear the T.V from downstairs so dad must have gone to bed.

I walk over to my laptop and turn it on, I open my blog page and start to type today's entry.

_I bunked school today. It was awesome and I know that I will do it more often. I just walked around town and around the streets of Raleigh. I was invisible. No one stared and no one whispered. I should do it more often, maybe not tomorrow but on Friday. _

_I also went for dinner tonight. With my brother and dare I say it, it was fun. I laughed. I haven't laughed in what feels like years and it felt good. It felt like I was happy and free but all good things come to an end and as soon as I got home the horror of my life caught up with me. _

_I wish I could be like I was earlier forever, but I don't deserve happiness. I'm an idiot and idiots deserve to feel as I feel. _

_Anyway, laughter is the best medicine, but it's a shame it doesn't work for long. _

_I'm going to bed now, well I'm going to try. I hope the nightmares don't come tonight. I don't think I can deal with them for tonight. Maybe I'll get some more pills at the weekend when I go to Jeff's. He doesn't need them any more. He told me that earlier. He won't miss them anyway, good night. _

I send the post to my blog and debate whether or not checking my emails. I decide not to, no one would email me anyway. I turn the laptop off and climb into bed. I wrap myself up in my covers and slide down underneath them. I close my eyes and wish the nightmares away. I don't get my wish thought, I never get my wish and I don't think I ever will.


	5. Chapter 5

** A/N: Where have my lovely reviewers gone? **** You guys come back! I miss you! **

**Onwards with the show and come back to me my much loved reviewers!**

It's the party tonight. Natalie has been ringing me all day trying to change my mind. She rings again just as I put my plate from dinner into the sink.

Natalie: Please come Rebekah! It won't be the same without you.

She uses the same excuse that she's been using all week. I shake my head and go upstairs. Dad gives me a strange looks as I pass the lounge. I just smile and carry on up the stairs.

I head into my room and sit down on the bed.

Natalie: Do you think I should wear a lot of make-up or just go for a more natural look?

Natalie is now talking my ear off about what she should wear and how she should look. I don't blame her for wanting to make an impression, for all I know, she could end up making some friends and then she would introduce those friends to me and we could both make friends. I shake my head, even if she did make friends, they wouldn't want to know me.

Me: Go natural, it always looks better.

Natalie agrees and I hear her empty what I presume is her make-up bag.

Natalie: I wish you were coming with me.

I sigh.

Me: Me too.

I lie.

Natalie: I better go anyway, I'll ring you tomorrow and tell you how it goes. You never know, I could pick up a hottie!

Natalie laughs and I smile. You really do never know. We say goodbye and I lay back onto my bed and let out a deep breath. I try to make myself feel guilt for not going to the party tonight but I can't. I'm numb. I'm always numb these days so I'm used to it.

Dad: Rebekah can you come down here please?

I frown and get off my bed. I stand at the top of the stairs and look down at Dad who has a piece of paper in his hands. I know what it is. My school report. It's the first one of the year and I know that it's not the best. I start descending the stairs and follow him into the kitchen and find that in the ten minutes that I was upstairs Jeff has come over and is sitting at the table.

Dad indicates to one of the chairs and I obediently sit down.

Dad: What is this?

Me:

Dad places the paper down in front of me. It reads:

English: A

Algebra: B

Social Studies: C

Spanish: C+

Gym: C+

Art: C

Dad: This is not good enough Rebekah. I don't know what's going on with you right now but there is no excuse for these grades.

I sit silent and just listen with my eyes glued to my grades. I didn't think they were too bad but my Dad obviously sees things differently. He picks the paper up and heads into the lounge leaving me with Jeff.

He looks at me with a sad expression on his face.

Jeff: What happened to you Rebekah?

I just sit and stare out of the window. I could tell him. I want to tell him. My heart is hammering and my head is shouting at me to tell him what happened but I can't. I just shake my head.

Jeff: You can talk to me you know, I know I'm not here much but that will change when Ruby's born. I'll be on less hours at TNA and maybe over Christmas you could come with me to some of the tapings like you used to. Would you like that?

I nod. I would like that. It would be nice to remind myself of the love that I have for my brother's profession. Jeff stands up and smiles sadly.

Jeff: If you change your mind about talking, you know where I am and for Dad's sake, try and improve your grades.

I nod and Jeff leaves to join Dad in the lounge. I lean forward and my head hits the table with a thud. I sit there for a while. I have no will to move, there's no reason to move. I concentrate on my breathing. In and out. In and out. Eventually, I stand up and head back upstairs, as I pass the lounge I can hear Dad and Jeff talking. They're talking about me. I stop and start listening.

Dad: I don't understand it Jeff, it was like over night she stopped being my little girl. She doesn't talk, she barely eats, she stays in her room all day. I don't know what to do to help her!

Jeff: I know. It's like she's a totally different person. Something must have happened to her, maybe she's getting bullied at school?

He's half way there. Something did happen to me, just not bullying.

Dad: But she was so popular last year.

Jeff: People change, you know that more than anyone.

He was referencing to Matt's old girlfriend Amy, she seemed to be the nicest person in the world until she slept with a fellow wrestler and thought that Matt wouldn't find out. Obviously, my brother isn't stupid and he found out and then it got messy. I like Amy. She's awesome. Her and Matt made up a few years ago and she visits every now and then, Reby doesn't trust her but then again, who would? Wait, I trust her so yeah, just Reby. I don't like Reby that much. She annoys me, she annoys Jeff and Dad too; They just don't show it.

Dad: I'm so worried about her, I've never been this worried.

I walk back a few steps to peer through the open crack of the door. Dad's sitting in his arm chair with his head in his hands and Jeff's pacing on the fur rug. I can see it now, in both of their faces, the worry and pain that I am causing them. The pain that I cause anyone who gets close to me. I shake my head and quietly go back to my room. I don't want to hear anymore of that conversation. I never want to hear anything ever again.

I get into bed and slide down under the covers so they are covering my head. I remember that I used to hide like this before Dad or Jeff would come in and say goodnight and they would be all shocked and "Oh where has Rebekah gone?". Those were the good days. The simple days.

* * *

When I next open my eyes the daylight is creeping through the window. I rub sleep from my eyes and sit up. I have slept through 'til morning. I shake my head violently and stand up. I lose my balance for a second but gain it again. My tummy rumbles but I ignore it. I roll over and reach for my phone to check the time. It's only 8:30. I put my phone back on the bed stand and stand up. I walk over to my closet and pull out a rough outfit to wear for the day. Some old jeans and a T-shirt. That'll do.

I head into the bathroom and run a brush roughly through my hair. I look at myself in the mirror. My lips are all dry and cracking. My eyes look sunken and dark. My cheek bones stick out. I don't even recognize myself. I shake my head and turn my back on the mirror. I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath before leaving the bathroom and going downstairs.

Dad's sitting at the table in the kitchen reading the paper. He looks up and smiles at me but then looks back down at his paper. I grab myself a drink and look in the refrigerator, nothing catches my eye so I close it again. I take my drink and sit down at the table.

Dad: Have you any plans today?

I shake my head. Dad nods.

Dad: Jeff rung about five minutes ago and asked if you wanted to go to lunch with him?

I nod.

Dad: He'll come and get you at around 12.

I nod again and stand up and head into the lounge.

I put my drink onto the coffee table and flop onto the couch. I flick the T.V on there's nothing really worth watching. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The next thing I know Dad's waking me up because Jeff will be coming to pick me up in 5 minutes.

I stretch and half roll/half fall off the couch. Dad smiles and shakes his head. I haven't seen him smile like that for a while. I half-smile back and stand up. I brush my clothes straight and look down debating whether or not to change. I nod in decision and rush upstairs. I pull open my closet doors and grab out a black vest and a red and black checked shirt to put over the top. I look down at myself, I look a little better now.

I head down the stairs as Jeff walks in through the door. We keep our door open during the day, that way people, like Jeff and Matt, don't have to bother with knocking all the time seeing as they're always popping in and out. Jeff more than Matt though.

Jeff smiles at me and heads in to tell Dad that we're leaving. I shove on a pair of black converse. I wave goodbye to Dad as I follow Jeff out to the car. Shannon's in the front seat. He waves at me and I wave back before I climb into the back seat.

Shannon: Hey little Hardy, haven't seen you in a while.

I smile and nod. Shannon smiles back and turns around.

Jeff: I thought we'd head to Liv's after we've got Shane, Matt and Reby will meet us there.

Me: Where's Beth?

Jeff: She's not feeling too great, morning sickness.

I nod in understanding even though I don;t understand because I've never been pregnant. We pick Shane up from his. Karen stands at the door with Sebastian in her arms and waves us off. He's getting big now, he was really tiny when he was born. He was literally the tiniest human I've ever seen.

We pull up outside of Liv's bar and all clamber out of the car. Liv is Jeff's ex girlfriend They broke apart because of reasons that they didn't make public but everyone knew they broke up amicably and they still remain pretty close friends. Liv also makes awesome pancakes. My tummy rumbles just thinking about them.

We walk into the bar and Liv spots us immediately. She smiles and waves us over. I follow the lads to the bar and slide onto one of the stools.

Liv: Hey guys, it's been a while.

She smiled and then her eyes focused on me. Her smile dropped a little but returned again milliseconds after.

Liv: Rebekah, it's good to see you, I can guess what you would be wanting?

I grinned and nodded. That's the thing I like about Liv. She's to the point, and she's always fun to be around. I'm glad that her and Jeff are still friends. She takes the guys orders and disappears into the kitchen.

I sit and listen to the guys conversations, I lose interest in more than one but I just like being here surrounded by people that I know and love. It reminds me that I'm still here and I'm still living.

Liv comes back out with all our order. She's made me a stack of pancakes covered in cream and toffee syrup. She places the plate in front of me.

Liv: With an added pancake and extra syrup for free.

She says with a wink. I grin and mumble a thank you. She smiles as she brings out the rest of the guys orders. They've all order sensible lunch meals. Forget that, Liv's pancakes are awesome. I could eat them all day everyday if I was given the chance.

I eat the pancakes fast, it's the most I've eaten in months and Jeff sees this. He smiles.

Jeff: Enjoy that?

I nod and he chuckles. He ruffles my hair.

Jeff: It's good to see you eating.

I nod again. It was good to eat the pancakes. After Liv has cleared away the dishes and served some people she asks a young kid to go on the bar so she could take a break and she joins us on the other side of the bar. She chats away with all the guys and it's almost like her and Jeff never broke up. I find myself laughing and even adding in jokes of my own and memories that we were sharing.

Shannon: Remember that classic Hardy Show episode where you threw Jeff in the mud after the argument.

Everyone laughed. We all remembered that moment very well, I wasn't there myself but I had seen the Hardy Show episode they were talking about. Before Jeff and Liv got together, Jeff hated Liv. Well, he didn't hate her, he just couldn't handle the feelings that he was feeling for her, it was stupid really. And they used to always have really big arguments, some of them were really nasty and could last for days, but then they both realized how stupid they were being and then long story short they were together for nearly 10 years. On this occasion, Jeff started an argument and Liv retaliated by pushing him in the mud. The episode is a classic and Liv was one of the most loved cameo appearances.

The doors swing open. I instinctively look to see who arrives and my heart drops. It's him. He's here.

I can't breathe.

I can't take my eyes off him. He catches my gaze and smirks. He raises his eyebrow when he smirks. It makes me feel sick. He winks and walks over to a table. I freeze. I don't know what to do. Slowly, I stand up and practically run to the restrooms.

I run into a stall and lock the door behind me. I breathe hard. My lungs feel like they are collapsing, tears are streaming from my eyes and it makes my vision all blury.

I regain my composure. Just. I don't want to go back out there, I can't go back out there. I bite down on my lip and can taste the blood in my mouth, it tastes awful, but it's a taste that I'm used to now.

I leave the stall and stand in front of the mirror on the wall. Usually, in bars the restrooms are covered in dirt and graffiti but in Liv's Bar, this is not the case. Everyone that comes here respects the facilities so there is no dirt and no graffiti in sight.

The door swings open, I snap my head around in an instant panic but relax when I see that it's only Liv. She has a worried expression on her face.

Liv: Rebekah, are you okay?

I nod but Liv doesn't look convinced. She appraoches me and smiles sadly.

Liv: I may not be your sister-in-law anymore but I will always be your friend so if there is anything you need to talk about, you can always come to me.

I nod again and for a moment consider just letting her know about everything that's happened. About him and what happened that night but as I open my mouth to talk the sensible side of me reminds me that she probably wouldn't believe me.

Liv wraps her arm around my shoulder.

Liv: How about we go back out there and show whatever drove you in there that you are a Hardy and that Hardy's don't take any crap from anyone!

I smile, that's the amazing thing about Liv, she can take anyone no matter what they've been through and make them feel confident.

We extit the restrooms, I keep my gaze forward towards where I'm going, like Liv said, I'm a Hardy and us Hardy's don't take any crap.

**A/N: I must say that Liv is not one of my characters she infact belongs to KatieWoo who has been nice enough to let me borrow her for the purpose of this story. You can find her here: u/2676748/ **

**I seriously recommend that you check her stories out especially if you want to read more about Liv. You won't regret it. **

**Anyway, Review? **


	6. Chapter 6

I go back to school on Monday, I decide that I should attend my lessons today in order to attempt to get better grades. I don't know why I bother though, I don't even want to go to college. I don't know what I want to do. For a while, I wanted to be a wrestler like Jeff and Matt but then if I can't fight him off how am I meant to wrestle?

I head to English, I've barely sat down when Mrs Scane has a go at me. I didn't do my homework. Oops.

Mrs Scane: Do you want to be in this class Miss Hardy?

I shake my head. I don't think she expects me to answer her and her face is turning red with anger.

Mrs Scane: To the Principle's office now.

I stand up and grab my bag. I give sympathetic smile to Natalie before leaving the room and heading towards Principle Cave's office.

I sit outside on one of three chairs. It's where the naughty children sit and it's in plain view of everyone that walks past. Luckily, it's lesson time so not many people are walking past.

Principle Cave's P.A opens the door and looks at me over the top of her glasses. She's a nice woman, almost too nice. She smiles at me.

PA Woman: The principle will see you now.

I nod and stand up. I follow her into the room before the principles office. She opens the office door for me.

PA Woman: Rebekah Hardy sir.

She indicates for me to go in, she still has the friendly smile on her face. I wonder if it's acting and actually she hates everyone and is really miserable. I go and sit down opposite Principle Cave's desk. He looks up at me with a soft expression on his face. As far as principle's go, he's decent. He's very tall and bald but he's nice and he actually listens to what you have to say.

Principle Cave: Why are you here Rebekah?

I shrug.

Me: Mrs Scane sent me.

Principle Cave: And why is that?

I shrug again.

Me: Because she doesn't like me.

Principle Cave smiles and shakes his head.

Principle Cave: Why do you think that?

Me: Because everyone hates me.

The words come out before I can stop them. I slap my hand over my mouth and bite hard on the inside of my fingers. It hurts but that's what you get when you let your mouth speak before thinking about it. Principle Cave frowns for a moment and shakes his head.

Principle Cave: Now I'm sure that's not true.

I shrug. I don't want to talk to the principle any more, I want to go home and cry. Principle Cave stand up and gets my file from the large file cabinet in the corner of the room. I know that it holds my grades and my attendance. Great, here comes a grilling.

He opens it up and gets out my report card and attendance to date.

Principle Cave: I was just looking at your English grade. It's good but your attendance is worrying. Is there any reason for that?

I shrug.

Me: Mrs Scane.

Principle Cave: What about Mrs Scane?

Me: She hates me.

Principle Cave shakes his head and runs a hand over where his hair once was. Well, I presume it was but I never saw him with hair so I wouldn't know.

Principle Cave: What about if I move you into a different English class? You're clearly talented and this "thing" you have against Mrs Scane is or will effect that. I'm going to put you into Advanced English with Miss Miller starting from tomorrow as for the rest of this period you can study in the library.

I smile. I've heard people talk about Miss Miller and they all say she's the best teacher in the school. I mumble a thank you to Principle Cave then leave his office.

I don't fancy going to the library so I head out onto the bleachers instead. Last year when I wanted to get away, I would go and sit right at the top and just be by myself. I'd forgotten I used to do that until just now. I head through the corridors and out the back entrance towards the bleachers.

I climb right to the top and sit down. There's a few other people around today but I doubt they'll talk to me. At least that's what I thought.

I look up and see someone coming towards me. A girl whom I recognise. She's a senior now I think. She smiles at me and I half-smile back. I panic. Why is she coming towards me? She reaches me and sits down in the space next to me.

Girl: You're Rebekah right?

I nod. She smiled.

Girl: I'm Sam. I'm in senior year.

I nod again. I don't know why she's talking to me. Only Natalie talks to me. Didn't she hear that I called the police and ratted out a group of under age drinkers?

Sam: I don't believe that you did it on purpose you know.

I look at her confused.

Sam: That night at the party. I don't believe that you did it to be a horrible person.

I make an "O" shape with my mouth. How could she know? I've never talked to her in my life. She smiles and pulls out a cigarette packet from her bag. She puts one in her mouth and lights it. She inhales a lung full of smoke and exhales it all in one long line. She turns to me and offers me one. It's tempting.

Me: I... I've never smoked before.

Sam smiles.

Sam: Do you wanna try it?

I nod and Sam takes her own cigarette from her mouth. She shows me how to inhale correctly and lets me have a turn.

I cough. I splutter. I cough some more and Sam laughs. She shakes her head and takes the cigarette back.

Sam: Everyone reacts like that when they have their first cigarette.

She takes another large drag and smiles again.

Sam: Here try some more.

I gingerly take the lit cigarette, this time I don't cough as much and Sam smiles.

Sam: Finish it.

She waves her hand and stretches her legs onto the bleacher below us. She lays her head back as if she's sunbathing but there's no sun. In fact, it's actually pretty cold. Winter is coming, the snow will start to fall soon.

I finish the rest of the cigarette without choking any more and actually enjoy it. I can see why Jeff smokes now. I drop the butt down in between the bleachers and look around, there's students starting to file out of their classes now which means it's time for second period.

Sam stands up and slings her bag onto her shoulder.

Sam: Where do you go for lunch?

I shrug.

Me: Canteen.

Sam laughs.

Sam: Come out here today, I'll be right here.

She smiles again and walks off. Sam is the kind of person I want to be. She's tall and thin, she's very pretty too. She has shoulder length, bleached, blonde hair. She wears black skinny jeans and she's wearing an Iron Maiden T-shirt. I like Iron Maiden, they're a good band.

I stand up and head towards my next class willing the time away so I could meet with Sam again and maybe have another cigarette, or at least share one with her. I also think about becoming friends with Sam, if I do then that will mean that I have two friends. That's good isn't it?

**A/N: Just a short little filler like chapter here to pass some time, and you lot are so lucky, two updates in one day! Call me butter because I'm on a roll! Yay. **


	7. Chapter 7

It's the first lesson in my new English class. I don't know anyone and there's only one seat left at the front. I sit down. Miss Miller isn't in the class yet so there's a buzz of talk and catching up going on. I over hear more stories from the party at the weekend. I haven't spoken to Natalie properly about it which is weird because I thought she would have nagged my ear off about it by now.

Miss Miller walks in and the class files into their seats and stops talking. She walks to the front of the class, her heels clinking on the floor as she walks. She's a short, plump woman with big brown eyes and long brown hair. She's pretty.

Miss Miller: Good morning guys, we have Rebekah joining us today, let's not make it too awkward for her.

She catches my eye and smiles before going to her desk and picking up a pile of workbooks.

Miss Miller: We are starting something new today. This project is to help you open up to your inner emotions and write freely. You will need it in your language exams at the end of the year.

She hands out the work books and people start writing their names on them.

Miss Miller: Has anyone ever kept a diary or a blog or something like that?

A few people raise their hands. I keep mine on the desk. I don't like admitting that I keep a blog that holds all my inner thoughts and feelings. I'm scared that someone from school might find it one day.

Miss Miller: The aim is for you guys to write in these books every day. Write everything you've been feeling and anything that's on your mind. If you've fallen out with your so called best friend, write it down in this book and most of all be honest.

She walks back to the front of the class.

Miss Miller: And those of you who are panicking thinking that I'm going to make you read your diaries out to the class. I won't. If you don't want anyone else but me to see it then that is fine. All I want for you guys to start doing is putting your emotions into work, it will help you write freely in the long run. For now, I want you to write your first letter, I don't know many of you properly yet so your first letter will be you writing to your diary and telling it and me about yourself, your family, any interesting facts you can think of and maybe what you did yesterday. You have half hour.

She smiles and takes a seat behind her desk. There's a rustle of paper as people open their new diaries and start writing. I steal a glance over to the person next to me who is writing furiously in her diary. I look back to my closed book and slowly open it. I chew on the inside of my lip and start to write.

_Dear Diary, _

_I'm Rebekah Hardy. I was adopted when I was 3. I don't remember my real parents, my father was a waste of space and my mother was an addict. In my eyes, my real dad is Gil Hardy. He always wanted a little girl, but his wife died and he never remarried. That's why he fought for me, something drew him to me and he knew that I was meant to complete his family. He has two sons, Jeff and Matt, they're my brothers. _

_Jeff and Matt are famous. They're professional wrestlers. Together they made the greatest tag-team in the history of the WWE and along with Edge and Christian and The Dudley Boys, they pioneered the TLC match. Which is not tender loving care but tables, ladders, chairs. _

_Matt now wrestles on the Indy circuits with his girlfriend Reby Sky, I don't like her that much. She's too fake for my liking. Jeff wrestles for a promotion called TNA (Total Non-stop Action). He loves it there. It's his second home. WWE keep offering contracts to go back but he denies them every time. He loves TNA too much. His wife is called Beth and she's really nice. She's also pregnant with their first child. They're going to call her Ruby, after Jeff and Matt's mom. _

_Compared to my brother's I'm boring. Jeff dyes his hair awesome colours and has really cool tattoos. Whereas, I have boring dark hair that can't make up it's mind on what to do. My eyes are a similar colour to Jeff's which is weird considering we're not related. _

_I like music. All Time Low, Bowling For Soup, Green Day and Blink 182 are my favourites. Jeff took me to see Blink live last year. It was one of the best days of my life. _

_I don't have any friends. Not really, there's Natalie, but she hasn't spoken to me properly in days. I think something happened at the party she went to and wanted me to go to. I don't go to parties any more. I went to a party in the summer, I will reference to this party as "that night" and I might reference it a lot. Maybe one day I will be able to tell you what happened that night but that's not today so you'll have to deal with it. _

_Sam's kind of my friend. We met the other day and we smoke together. Jeff smokes. He says it's a bad habit but he's too addicted to stop. He started because of the pressure in the WWE, I started because of the pressure of life. _

_There's not much more I can write about here but I will try again tomorrow. _

_From Rebekah. _

I finish writing just as Miss Miller stands up to wrap up the class. She tells us that she'll collect our diaries on Friday and read them over the weekend and when we get them back on Monday, we have to summarize our weekends.

The bell rings shortly after and the class rushed out of the door. Most people packed their things away five minutes early. I don't do that. After the bell rings I stand up and pack my things away. Miss Miller approaches me.

Miss Miller: Rebekah, how did you find that lesson?

I nod.

Me: Good.

Miss Miller smiles.

Miss Miller: That's good to hear, well I'll see you tomorrow.

I nod and swing my bag onto my shoulder. I wave a goodbye before I leave the classroom to head to the bleachers to meet Sam.

Sam's sitting in her usual spot on top of the bleachers. She smiles when she sees me. I climb up to the top and plonk down in the seat next to her. She hands me a cigarette and I light it up. I smoke about 10 a day now. Sam buys me them and she hides them in her locker. I know her code to get them out if she doesn't meet me.

Sam: Fancy skipping the rest of the day?

Me: Where will we go?

Sam: There's that diner in town, apparently does really good pancakes. Could go there?

I shake my head. She's talking about Liv's diner/bar. We can't go there. She might tell Jeff that I wasn't in school.

Me: We can't go there.

Sam raises her eyebrow at me.

Sam: Why?

Me: My brother's ex owns and works there. She might tell him that I'm not in school.

Sam makes an O shape with her mouth and nods.

Sam: Hit the mall?

I nod and we finish our cigarettes before heading out of the school grounds and to the bus stop.

We get the bus to outside the mall and have another cigarette before we head inside.

We walk around and go into all the posh shops pretending that we know what we're talking about.

Sam: Mother would approve of this choice don't you think?

Me: I do think so. Shall we get money out of Daddy's bank account and buy it?

Sam: I think we should.

We leave the shop and start laughing. Hanging out with Sam is fun. She's like me, an outcast. I don't see how because she's awesome.

We head outside of the mall and go to sit on a wall around the corner. Sam passes out cigarettes and we light them up. My phone starts to ring in my pocket. My heart skips a beat thinking it was Jeff or Dad and they've found out that I'm not in school but relax when I see it's from Natalie. I answer.

Natalie: Where are you? You weren't in P.E. Are you skipping class again?

Me: I'm not in today.

Natalie: Are you okay? Are you ill?

Me: I'm fine.

Sam's making wretching noises and pretending to be sick as I talk. She doesn't like Natalie, she says that she's too perfect and fake.

Natalie: Are you going to be in tomorrow? I haven't seen you in ages.

And who's fault is that? I ask myself.

Me: Yeah.

I end the phone call and Sam gives me a funny look.

Sam: Do you really like her?

I shrug my shoulders.

Me: She was the only one who spoke to me when term started.

Sam: Because she talks to anything that moves hell, she probably even talks to things that don't move. Anyway, I saw her the other day being all chummy and bum licky with that Cara girl. Also trouble.

I look at Sam and frown.

Me: You saw her with Cara?

Sam nods.

Sam: And she was with that horrible boy. Connor I think his name is.

I shudder. That's why she hasn't bothered to call or text. She's made friends with all of my old friends. Sam notices that there's something wrong and hands me another cigarette. We both light up and smoke together in silence just watching people coming in and out of the mall.

After some time, we go back into the mall and head up to the food court.

We get McDonalds and eat it slowly. Sam's a lot like me, she's hiding a lot. Every now and then a glassy eyed expression comes across her face and as quickly as it arrives she shakes it off. She also wears a lot of bands and bangels on her wrist and wears long sleeves a lot. I think she cuts herself but I don't have the guts to ask her.

We finish eating and head back to the bus stop to head home. We smoke as we walk and chat about how much we have a shared hatred for girls like Cara and Ella who are all fake and have about a million different faces and personalities.

Me: I was really good friends with her in middle school and Juniour High.

Sam: Wow. I'm glad you're not any more.

We get on the bus. My stop's a little after Sam's and she gives me a cigarette just in case I want it later. I hide it in my bag and wave as the bus pulls away from her stop. Sam's a good friend. I haven't known her for that long but she's awesome. I like having her as a friend. It makes me feel less alone.

**A/N: Thank you again for all the reviews, favourites and alerts. You guys are awesome! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as there's more to come soon. I'm on a roll with this story so am focusing on it. So yeah, review? **


	8. Chapter 8

We're back in Liv's bar again. It's Saturday and Jeff, Shannon, Shane and Matt are all here, I'm just tagging along for the awesome pancakes. Liv's rushed off her feet but she still manages to a) look amazing and b) smile. When I get older I want to be like Liv.

I order my usual stack of pancakes with extra toffee syrup and as usual Liv serves me an extra one on top.

Liv: How're you feeling today?

I nod.

Me: I'm fine, how are you?

Liv tilts her head to the side for a second before smiling. I don't think she believes me. I smile.

Liv: Rushed but I'll survive.

She leans over the bar and whispers into my ear.

Liv: If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.

Liv lives just off the Hardy compound. She lived there before she got together with Jeff and kept it to rent out whilst she was with him. Her house is huge and is extended to the attic which is converted to a large art studio. It's awesome.

I eat my pancakes and listen to what the guys are talking about.

Jeff: I'm thinking of taking the dirt bike out for one last time before the baby's born.

Matt: Good idea mate, we'll come along too.

Shannon: Maybe we could record a new Hardy Show episode?

Matt: Good idea, I'll phone the others and let them know.

Shane: We could have Jeff teach us all how to ride dirt bikes?

Shannon: Awesome idea.

Me: Can I watch?

The guys all look at me and smile.

Shannon: Sure you can mini-Hardy. You're always welcome.

Liv walks by as she delivers an order to another table.

Shannon: Hey Liv, we're filming a Hardy Show episode this afternoon, gunna pop along?

Liv smiles and comes back after she's given the table their order.

Liv: What does this episode involve?

She has her eyebrow raised. She's always been sceptical when she's invited to film the show with the guys because usually it means she gets roped into doing something like win the shot call the spot. Even though she beat their asses at it last time she played with them.

Matt: Jeff's teaching us to ride a dirt bike and do a jump.

Liv laughed.

Liv: I'll be there. You going Rebekah?

I nod. Liv grins.

Liv: It's a definite yes then.

She walks off to go and take more orders to the kitchen as Jeff pays for everyone's breakfast.

We head off back to Jeff's house to prepare for the guys to learn how to ride dirt bikes and make fools of themselves.

* * *

I stand next to Liv and Andrew behind the camera as he scans the lense over Shannon, Shane, Matt and Kimo who are dressed in jump suits and all have helmets on. There's five bikes behind them. Two of them are Jeff's and the other three are ones that have been rented out for purposes of the show.

Matt: I'm Matt Hardy, this is Shannon Moore, Shane "The hurricane" Helms, Jeff Hardy and Kimo. Today we are being taught by the one and only Jeffery Nero Hardy how to jump that ramp behind us on a dirt bike.

Jeff: These mother fuckers think they've got what it takes. We'll see about that.

Jeff goes about giving the guys instructions about how to ride the bike. He gives some safety information but in true Jeff form, not that much.

Liv leans over to me.

Liv: What's the betting that someone's going to be in hospital later?

I laugh.

Me: Matt or Shannon.

Liv laughs.

The guys mount their bikes and turn them on. Jeff gets them driving around the house to get used to the bikes before they re group and Jeff explains the main dynamics of jumping.

Jeff: You go up then you come back down. It's that fucking simple.

They swear a lot on The Hardy Show, more than they do when they're not filming. Accept Matt, he swears all the time.

After a little more basic training. We trek up to the top of the first jump. Shannon is up first. Jeff stands in front of the camera.

Jeff: Now kids, don't try this at home.

He steps out of the way and counts down for Shannon to go. Shannon revs the bike and gives a salute to the camera before he pulls off at high speed down the ramp. He makes it over the first hill to lose control and crash before he hits the second one. I worry that he's hurt for a second but when he stands up and waves everyone bursts into laughter.

Jeff comes back in front of the camera as Shane sets up to go.

Jeff: Shannon Moore has failed his jump test. Shane "The Hurricane" Helms is going to risk his life next.

Shane revs the bike and sets off slowly. He's wobbling all over the place and you can tell that he's panicking. I laugh as he approaches the first jump but doesn't have enough speed to get up the hill so starts falling backwards and eventually falls off.

Jeff: Surprising turn of events here at The Hardy Compound. Shane "The Hurricane" Helms is useless and has failed. Next up Kimo, now Kimo's cheating. He's done this before.

Kimo looks cool and comfortable as he revs the bike up and sets off at high speed. He flies all the way around the course and slides back into his starting place. Everyone cheers and gives him a round of applause.

Jeff: Kimo is so far the only one to pass. Next up, he is the master of the ring, he is the master of awful hair styles, he is the one and only Matt Hardy.

Matt who's riden the bikes around the compound once of twice before revs the bike up. He's never been brave enough to attempt Jeff's track that he built. I don't blame him. I wouldn't.

Liv: This should be fun.

I nod in agreement as Matt pulls off. As predicted, he hits the first ramp with too much speed and flies high into the air. He panics and lets go of the handles and as the bike crashes into the next jump he flies off.

Jeff runs out to cut the engine of the bike and see if Matt's okay. He hoists him over his shoulder and brings him back up to where everyone else is gathered.

Jeff: This my friends and fans of The Hardy Show, is why you don't try this at home. How do you feel Matt?

Matt: Owch.

Everyone laughs and Andrew shouts cut and stops the camera from running. To the side of the Shane is handing over ten dollars to Shannon. I shake my head at them. They're always giving each other money over bets. It's stupid.

Jeff's laid Matt down on the ground and is checking him over.

Liv: Does he need a trip to the ER?

Matt: No.

Jeff: Yes. I think you've broken your collar bone mate.

Between Jeff and Kimo, they get Matt into the passenger side of Liv's car. Jeff and Shannon climb in the back. They rush off to take Matt to the hospital leaving me with Shane.

Shane: Do you want me to walk you home?

I nod and we head off towards home. He's parked up outside mine but I'm sure he'll stay here until Matt gets back with the verdict on his possible broken collar bone.

It only takes a few minutes to get home and we walk right in.

Me: Dad?

He replies from the kitchen. He's sitting at the table reading the paper.

Me: Matt's in the ER.

Dad looks panicked.

Me: He came off the dirt bike and we think he broke his collar bone so Liv, Jeff and Shannon have taken him down to get it checked.

Dad nods in understanding.

Dad: Knew one of them would get hurt, had to be Matt.

Shane comes in and sits down at the table with Dad and they start talking. I leave and go upstairs. I need to write in my "diary" for English.

I sit at my desk and open the work book up, I've been writing a little bit everyday. I'm getting used to it now it's cool. I pick up a pen and start to write today's entry.

_Dear Diary, _

_Today has been a good day to some extent. We went for breakfast at Liv's bar and she gave me extra pancakes and syrup and she told me that if I ever want to talk to her I can. Maybe one day I will be able to talk to her about what happened but that time is not now. _

_After breakfast the guys and Liv. That's Shane, Shannon, Kimo, Andrew, Matt and Jeff all came around to shoot a new episode of The Hardy Show. Jeff taught them all how to ride his dirt bikes and their challenge was to make it around the track without crashing. Only Kimo managed to do it. Everyone else crashed. Matt crashed really badly and has had to go to the ER. Jeff thinks he's broken his collar bone. Shane and Shannon had a bet on between them saying that it would be Matt that would get hurt. Shane's now ten dollars poorer. _

_It was fun watching them film The Hardy Show, Andrew's going to edit it soon and then it'll be on the website for everyone to felt like I was participating in some ways.  
_

_Liv said that her sister's coming to stay for a while. Her sister dated my brother for a long while, until she made some mistakes that lead to their break up. Matt and Amy are sort of friends, they will be in the same place together and talk nicely without their being any arguments. It's Reby that everyone's worried about. It's a known fact that Amy and Reby don't like each other. Shannon's having a party for Thanks Giving. I can't believe it's nearly Thanks Giving already.  
_

_I don't really want to go to Shannon's party, but Liv will be there and so will Amy. If I stick with them he won't get to me again.  
_

_I'm scared that he'll get me again. I see him every time I close my eyes and I see him in the halls at school and I see him in town. He's haunting me and I don't know what to do. I can't escape.  
_

_Sorry, I've said too much. I'm going to go now.  
_

_From Rebekah.  
_

I close my work book and put it on my desk. I lay down on my bed, close my eyes and drift off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews that have been coming through. You guys are all awesome! Keep them coming! The end of this chapter could be triggering so if you're easily triggered by scenes of self harm stop reading early I've put a little note where these scenes start. **

**Don't say I didn't warn you! **

Thanks giving is upon us and the whole family is gathered in Jeff's dining room, squeezed around the long rectangular table with little to none elbow room.

Beth had her baby a few weeks ago. They named her Ruby, after Jeff and Matt's mom. She's cute. She has Jeff's nose and eyes that gaze around the room. Jeff says that she can't see properly yet and that she won't be able to for a while but she knows who we are by voice recognition.

She's in the pram next to Beth, she's sleeping at the moment but Beth's rushing to eat her food because she knows that at any minute Ruby could wake up hungry and Beth will have to drop everything to feed her.

I don't think I want children. They're cute and I like cuddling Ruby as she falls asleep in my arms but then there's the time when she had wind and won't stop crying. She can't do anything for herself yet and I think that the sleepless nights are starting to get to Jeff. I don't think I'd be a good mom but I'm going to try my hardest to be a good aunt. I don't want little Ruby to grow up like me. Being me isn't fun.

Jeff: Are you okay Rebekah?

It's only when Jeff talks to me that I realise that I had stopped eating and was gazing in the direction of Ruby's pram. I turn to Jeff and smile.

Me: I'm fine.

It's a lie, I'm never really fine but Jeff smiles and we both start to eat again. I nibble consciously at my food. I'm not that hungry, I'm never really that hungry any more. I eat some more vegetables and then put my knife and fork down. I'm full up.

Dad: Do you want any more food Rebekah, there's plenty in the kitchen.

I shake my head and push my now empty plate away from me.

There's light conversation going on and I listen but don't participate. Reby's talking a lot. I'm surprised she's even here; she and Matt have been arguing a lot recently. It started when Liv's sister Amy came back.

I think about what I could write in my diary for today. It'll be a boring entry but for the first time in a long time it's a school project I actively take part in. I like English. It's like a little bit of freedom in the hell that is school.

After dinner everyone gathers in the lounge. The T.V is put on in the background and there's a game of cards in the middle of the floor. Jeff's phone rings and he stands up to answer it. He leaves the room for a few minutes and returns.

Jeff: Liv and Amy are on their way over with Shannon and Jules.

I sneak a glance at Reby who is pouting in the corner. Amy and Liv's arrival will probably cause an argument. It is known that Reby and Liv don't like each other. This should be fun.

* * *

Drinks are flowing and so far there's been no arguments with anyone. Liv and Amy arrived an hour ago. They both had quick cuddles with Ruby and then Liv handed her to me. She's now sleeping in my arms looking all adorable and innocent.

The first day I met her I vowed that I wouldn't let anyone hurt her. If they hurt her they would have me to deal with. I don't like confrontation or violence but for little Ruby, I would make sacrifices.

Jeff comes and sits next to me.

Jeff: How ya doing?

I nod and smile. My arms going a bit dead but I don't want to say anything because I like holding Ruby.

Me: I'm ok.

Jeff: Dead arm yet?

I chuckle and nod. Jeff smiles.

Jeff: Want me to take her?

I think about it for a minute and decide it's probably best. I nod and lean back slightly so Jeff can get his hand under Ruby's head so she doesn't get hurt. He lifts her from my lap and takes her over to the crib that's in the corner of the room. It's so she can nap but Jeff and Beth can still make sure that she's okay. He lays her down and comes back to the couch. Liv comes and sits the other side. I look from Liv to Jeff. They're both smirking and I know they're hiding something.

Me: What?

I ask quietly. Liv puts a finger to her lips to shush me and indicates for me to listen carefully. I do so and can hear shouting. It's Reby and Matt. Reby sounds angry.

Reby: One day is all I wanted Matt. One day without them and they still come over.

She's talking about Liv and Amy, that much is obvious.

Matt: They're good friends Reby, they have as much right to be here as you do.

Reby: Bullshit do they. They're just here to cause trouble.

Matt: The only one causing trouble here is you by making a fuss.

I look to Liv who is trying to hold in the laughter. I give her a questioning look and she just shrugs her shoulders.

Reby: I am not making a fuss Matthew, I'm expressing my opinion.

Matt: Is that what you're calling it now then?

Amy comes into the room and gives all three of us a questioning look as we're now standing near the door to get a better ear shot. Liv puts her finger to her lips like she did to me and Amy comes to join us.

Matt: Am I not allowed to have friends now then?

Reby: Not them you're not. I don't trust them.

Matt: Is it them you don't trust or is it me?

Liv bites down on her lip trying not to laugh. This is quite entertaining. I wonder if they'll break up.

Reby: Of course I trust you Matt.

Matt: Doesn't look like it to me. You're just being paranoid.

We hear stomping around and a door slam we presume that someone has left the room in which the argument is taking place. Quickly we all run to the couches and sit down. We all act innocent but when Matt comes into the room he scans our faces and knows that something is up.

Matt: Okay, what have you guys done?

We all exchange looks with each other and Liv's the one to speak up first.

Liv: Nothing Matt don't be so mistrusting and paranoid.

Matt looks confused for a moment and you can pretty much physically see the clogs working in his mind before he twigs and throws his hands into the air.

Matt: You were listening!

We all burst into laughter and Matt shakes his head and sits down on the same couch as Amy.

Jeff: We had no choice but to listen you two were full on shouting at each other.

Matt sighs.

Matt: It seems all we do is argue at the moment, it's so pointless and it's always her that starts it. It's like I can't so anything right.

I feel awkward and I don't know what to say. Amy puts her arm around Matt and gives him a quick hug. Then Reby walks in. She sees Amy pulling her arm from around Matt and goes bright red with anger.

Jeff taps me on the shoulder and stands up to pic up Ruby and we all disperse into the kitchen. Another argument is going to occur and we all know it.

Liv: Their relationship was doomed from the start

Everyone nods and agrees. They were just too different.

Jeff goes out for a cigarette and I wish I could go with him. Maybe soon I'll tell him that I smoke afterall, he can't say much because he smokes too.

Liv's cuddling Ruby who's just lying contently in her arms. Like Beth and Jeff say, she's a good baby. I don't really understand what that means. Aren't all babies good? They can't do that much so surely they can't do anything naughty. Maybe that's another thing that I will understand one day soon. Maybe I'll ask Jeff about it.

Matt and Reby aren't shouting at each other any more but they still haven't reappeared. Happy Thanks Giving my arse.

* * *

It's another hour before Matt appears. He looks annoyed but I don't blame him I think I would be too.

Matt: Reby's gone.

He falls into a chair at the table and sighs. Jeff, who's just come in from having yet another cigarette, walks up to him and places a hand on his shoulder.

Jeff: You guys will work it out.

Matt shakes his head and I feel awkward. I always feel awkward but at this moment in time, I feel more awkward than I normally do.

Matt: I broke up with her.

There's a silence that follows Matt's words. No one quite knows what to say. I look to Liv who shrugs. We both saw it coming. I think everyone did. Liv stands up and goes into the lounge, Shannon, Jules, Amy and I all follow.

Shannon and Jules get their coats and head home. It's only Dad, Liv, Amy and I left now. Apart from Ruby but she lives here so she's not going anywhere.

Dad left earlier, before the arguing started. He went to see his wife's grave. I've been there with Jeff and Matt a few times but I didn't feel right going there, like it wasn't my place to be.

Liv: Do you want to hold her?

Liv asks me. I nod and sit down. Liv places Ruby in my lap. I coo softly to her and she turns her head to look at me. I smile and talk to her a bit. Ruby yawns and I softly rock from side to side. She's asleep by the time Jeff comes back in.

Jeff: You have a magic touch Rebekah.

He says with a smile when he sees Ruby asleep in my arms. I smile. She pretty much always falls asleep in my arms.

Liv: She knows she's safe with Rebekah.

Liv says from the arm of the couch. I smile. She is safe with me, she'll always be safe with me.

I stand up and put her in her crib. Liv stands up too.

Liv: Want me to take you home?

I nod. I am feeling tired of all this drama.

I go into the kitchen to get my coat. Matt's still sitting at the table. I approach him carefully.

Me: Are you okay?

He lifts his head and smiles at me.

Matt: Yeah, suprisingly I am.

I nod and put my coat on and go to leave the kitchen.

Matt: Rebekah?

I turn around and face Matt.

Matt: I'm here if you want to talk you know? Even if it's something really stupid, I'll listen.

As he speaks I feel tears start to form behind my eyelids. Don't cry Rebekah. Don't cry. I try to smile but I'm sure it doesn't seem like that to Matt. I step forward into his arms and let him give me a hug before smiling again and leaving to catch up with Liv and Amy.

* * *

Dad's asleep in his chair in the lounge when Liv drops me home. Her and Amy come in for a minute. I offer them a drink but they both decline and sit at the table in the kitchen.

I hover awkwardly for a minute before Liv indicates for me to sit down. I chew on my bottom lip as I sit waiting for what I know will be another conversation that I don't particually want to be in.

Liv: We just wanted to talk to you quickly.

I nod and fiddle with the sleeves of my hoody.

Liv: Your brothers have been talking to us and they're worried about you.

Isn't everyone? Why do people suddenly care? I've not been okay for months. I don't say this though. I go for the best option and keep quiet.

Amy: You know you can trust us right? If you tell us something that you don't want Jeff, Matt or your dad knowing we won't tell them.

I nod. I know I can trust Amy and Liv, but at the same time, you can never really trust anyone. If I tell them what really happened they'd be too angry to keep the secret. They'll tell Jeff and Matt and then Jeff and Matt will get themselves into trouble because they can't control themselves.

Me: I'm fine.

I smile to try and convince them that I really am okay. That's the best way to be. No one really cares about what's wrong. The human race is too selfish for that.

Liv: I know something's not been right with you the last few months. If something did happen and you needed I hope you would come to me so I can help you.

I nod. Having conversations like this makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty for letting this happen to me and then I feel guilty because I can't tell anyone. It's not like I don't want to; I want to shout it out over every rooftop in North Carolina. It's just that I can't. I physically can't.

Me: Can I go now?

Liv and Amy both nod. They know a hopeless case when they see one. I mumble a thank you and head up to my room. A few minutes later I hear thr front door close and a car start in the drive. Liv and Amy are gone.

I collapse on my bed and close my eyes. Today has been exhausting and I still feel majorly full up from the Thanks Giving roast. My belly's poking out from my t-shirt. I look at it with disgust. My body is horrible. I have skinny arms with no strength to them and my legs aren't that much better. I have a huge head with big eyes and small nose. My lips are all dry and cracking where I chew on them too much. My hair is always a tangeled mess because I never have the energy to brush it. I hate myself. I stand up and walk into the en suite bathroom.

**_(triggering part here) _**It's only a small bathroom with nothing more than a small corner shower, toilet and basin with a cupboard which has a mirror on the doors. I open the cupboard and pull out a small wooden box. Inside, I pull out a shiny, silver razor blade. Both Dad and Jeff buy them in bulk so pinching a few is easy. Doing what I do next is easy.

I roll up the sleeve on my left arm and place blade on the side of my wrist, press down and drag it across my skin. Red liquid gathers around the blade and when I lift it from my skin the blood trickles down my wrist and drips onto the sink. I smile and repeat the action over and over again until my arm is stained red from the bleeding. I put the blade down on the side of the sink and run my arm under the cold tap. The burn from the cuts is sending fire up my arm but I love it. The pain helps me thrive.

I get a bandage from the cupboard, also pinched from Jeff's supply, and wrap up my arm. When I used to hear about people cutting themselves I never thought I would do it. I never thought I'd do half the things that I do now.

I pack everything away and head back into my room where I collapse onto the bed. I close my eyes and fall asleep where the nightmares can get to me once more.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I want to apologise in advance for a) ****My lack of updates b) The lack of quality writing in this chapter c) the shortness and randomness of this chapter, cut a girl some slack it was all the muses I could gather. Anyway read and review? :D **

Dear Diary,

When someone asks for help, they either get it or they don't. I don't get help. I ask for help but I don't get it. I don't know why. Maybe people believe that I don't need it. I smile so therefore I don't need help. It's the biggest pile of bullshit that I've ever heard.

I hear a lot of bullshit. I hear it in the corridors at school and I hear it in my own home. When Dad says that he just wants to help; it's bullshit. There's that word again help. He said it again today. He wants me to speak because if you don't speak how can you expect anyone to help you. I don't want to speak. I like silence. It makes people think. Sometimes it makes people think bad things and others it makes people think about good things.

Sam said it must be hard to live in silence but I don't really live in silence. I have music playing 90% of the time. Music = non-silence. So no, I don't like in silence but I need help.

There have been times over the last few weeks when I've wanted to scream. I've wanted to tell people what happened to me. I want to shout it from the rooftops and wear a sign around my neck. Like those pizza boys do in town to advertise the pizzeria. That must suck.

Liv's going to give me a job. She told me she would as she's losing a member of staff soon. The guys at the college in Raleigh but he drops plates all the time and Liv says at the rate he's dropping plates, she can't afford to replace them.

Sam says she belongs to a community called Nerdfighters. This seemed weird to me because a) she's kind of a nerd herself but she said that Nerdfighters don't actually fight nerds. They fight for nerds. She says it all started with the author John Green, I've read a couple of his books and I really liked them. She says that I need to read Looking for Alaska and start watching his youtube videos. He vlogs (Video blogs) with his brother and they're known as the Vlogbrothers. That's what I'm going to do when I've finished this.

Jeff says that he's going to have a title shot which could lead to a title run. That would be awesome. I can imagine it now, introducing him to people as my older brother whose World heavyweight champion of TNA. I like the sound of it. World heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy. It'll be good for him too. He's been in a bad place but he's not in that bad place anymore. I'm proud of him. I would tell him that but as I've mentioned and you may have noticed, I don't speak.

I've been listening to Alter Bridge recently. I liked them before but I really like them now. I want to see them live when they tour and Jeff said that he would take me. I like going to concerts with Jeff. I don't have to talk to him at a concert.

My favourite song by Alter Bridge at the moment is Watch Over You. The lyrics are awesome and it's slow and thoughtful.

_You say you care for me but you hide it well_

_How can you love someone but not yourself?_

They're two of my favourite lines of the whole song. I like them a lot. I like to answer the question in my head. It's easy to love someone but not yourself. I do it all the time. I love Ruby and Jeff and my Dad and Matt, but I don't love myself. I don't think I'll ever love myself. I just can't.

I've been rambling for too long so I'm going to go and watch some Vlogbrothers videos. Speak soon.

Rebekah.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Firstly, I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to write this. It seems my muses have hibernated with this stupid weather. I mean come on, snow in March?! SNOW IN MARCH! I feel like screaming. Anyway, This is a little bonus chapter I'm putting in here and for the first time during this story the start of this chapter is accurately what I'm feeling so I thought why not fit it into the story? Enjoy and review **

It seems a strange concept that a band can have so much effect on someone. One band with its four members can change a person's life. The lyrics they write and the melody that goes along can flow through someone's ears and pick them up. One song can be the difference between life and death. A person struggling to stay alive will find that one song by that one band and it can save them. They listen to them constantly and it gives them a new found hope. That person then goes to see that band live and they have the time of their life and it makes everything worth living again.

And then the worst happens, that band decides they are no longer a band. This is what has happened. A band that I have followed for the last 6 years are gone. They're not going to be making anymore songs that will change lives. They won't be performing anymore live shows that will lift people up and fly them away for the 2 hour set.

I don't quite know how I feel about it yet. I feel empty just knowing that there won't be any more tours and there won't be any new songs or albums. I told Jeff about it and he just shook his head. He doesn't understand. I thought he would, but he doesn't.

I'm sitting in Liv's bar waiting for Jeff to come and get me. Liv picked me up from school, my attendance has been slipping again so now I'm back to being taken and picked up from hell. Today was Liv's turn only she got called into the bar whilst she was waiting for me so we had to go straight there. Not that I mind as I'm just sitting in the corner with my headphones on listening to My Chemical Romance. I'm devastated about their break up. I really thought that there was a future for them but I guess I was wrong and I'm just trying to come to terms with that.

Liv: What's up?

She slides onto the stool next to me and gives me a sad smile.

Me: My Chemical Romance split up.

It's all I can say. I'm still hoping that it's fake and Gerard's going to tweet that he was only joking and that actually their going on tour again with loads of new material. I think I'm dreaming big though.

Liv: Oh honey, that's awful. I thought they were releasing a new album?

I like Liv, she knows what I want to hear and she actually takes an interest in me unlike everyone else.

Me: They were and then the next week they've announced their break up.

I sigh and look down to my phone at the moment it buzzes with the notification that I have a message. I open the message and see it's from Jeff.

_Running late, Beth's nephew has taken the car keys ransom. _

I smile and show the message to Liv she laughs and shakes her head.

Liv: Well seeing as you're here for a while, fancy earning some money?

She asks as she stands up. I nod and quickly text a message back to Jeff telling him not to worry.

Liv: Come with me.

I nod and follow Liv into the office. There's a large pile of papers on the desk which is unusual for her.

Liv: If I pay you $20 will you file these for me?

She indicates to the file cabinet. I nod and shove my phone in my pocket. Liv smiles.

Liv: Who knows, I could find you a permanent job here.

She says as her name is called from the kitchen. She rolls her eyes and leaves me to it. I get right to it. I don't mind earning money by filing and doing little jobs here at the bar. It means that Liv can leave on time and it makes her life a little easier.

I put my headphones in and press play, it's on shuffle and some You Me At Six comes on. There a band that I've only just started listening to really but they're really good. I like them a lot.

I file the last paper and head out to find Liv. She looks shocked when I tell her that I'm done.

Liv: Really? It usually takes me hours to do that job. You're amazing Rebekah. Is there any chance you could take some orders? We're about to head into the dinner time rush and my second waitress hasn't turned up? I'll shadow you for the first few then consider it your trial.

Liv beams at me, waiting for an answer. I nod my head and accept an apron from her along with a note pad.

I follow her around for a few customers learning the correct was to address them. I don't like speaking to them and I struggle to make eye contact but Liv's going to give me a job if I can do this which means I'll get paid and it'll be easier to escape when I want to. Money opens a lot of doors, a lot of doors that I want open.

After the first few customers, Liv leaves me to it. I stand near the bar waiting for a new customer to walk in. That's when Jeff, Beth, Ruby and Beth's nephew walk in. Once they've sat in a booth, I approach them with the probably not needed menus.

Jeff: What are you doing here?

I smile.

Me: Liv's giving me a trail and if I do well then she's gunna give me a job.

I say proudly. Jeff grins.

Jeff: That's awesome, that'll be awesome.

I smile and hand them all menus and lean over to give little Ruby a kiss. I say little, but she's grown so much. She gurgles and smiles at me. I turn back to the rest of them.

Me: Can I get you any drinks?

The guys order their drinks and I head over to the bar to put the order in. April takes the order from me.

April: How's it going?

I nod.

Me: It's good.

I smile then notice another table come in so I go and take their orders and hand them to the bar. Before going back to Jeff's table and taking their orders. I knew what Jeff was going to have, he always has the same. He's a predictable kind of guy.

After the first two tables served on my own, the tables come thick and fast and I quickly find myself in a rythym. It's easier than I thought it would be all this talking to customers. I asked April about it in my break and she told me that I just needed to have a work head on and since then I've found it really easy. Maybe this job will help me get better. I hope so. I really hope so. I don't know how much more darkness I can take.


	12. Chapter 12

My job is going well and my "work head" is working out well, only when I get home and my "work head" goes away, things get worse. The darkness is still here and it's getting darker. Does that make sense? I think it does.

People have started to notice that something's wrong. It's only taken them the majority of the school year. My report card this semester wasn't good. It was the worst one I've ever received apart from English, I'm good at English.

_English: A_

_Algebra: E_

_Social Studies: D-_

_Spanish: D-_

_Gym: E-_

_Art: F _

I take the rubbish report card into the kitchen where Dad and Jeff are sharing a coffee. I put it on the table. Dad smiles and picks it up. He opens it and his smile fade.

Dad: What is this?

I just stand beside him. I don't move. I don't even look at him. He hands the report card to Jeff. Jeff reads it and puts it back on the table then they both turn to me.

Dad: These grades are nowhere near good enough Rebekah. I don't know what has gotten into you this year but I don't like it. You need to step it up. Stop moping around. I'm so fed up of silence in this house. I ask you what's wrong and you say you're fine then you come home and show me this?

He's ranting now. I just stand there and take it, there's nothing else I can do. Jeff looks at me sympathetically. I don't know how I manage it but I always seem to hand my report cards over when Jeff's here.

Dad: Are you hearing me Rebekah?

I nod and he stands up.

Dad: Sort it out.

He walks out of the kitchen and into the yard. He's probably going to fix a truck now or whatever he does in the barn. All I know is that I've disappointed him, again.

I go to walk out but Jeff stops me.

Jeff: You're not going anywhere sit down.

He indicates to the seat which was just left by dad and I sit down. I still don't look at him, I think if I looked at him I'd burst into tears. Jeff pulls his phone out and starts dialling a number. I can guess who he's ringing.

Jeff: Hi, Liv are you busy? Awesome, any chance you can pop over to Dad's we have a problem with Rebekah? Awesome see you in five, door's open.

He ends the phone call. I should have known he'd call Liv. He dials another number and puts the phone to his ear, all the while keeping an eye on me to make sure that I don't run.

Jeff: Matt? Are you busy? Can you come to Dad's? Awesome see you soon.

He ends the phone call and puts his phone on the table.

Jeff: I don't want to do this Rebekah.

I scoff. Bullshit. He sits down opposite me and I turn away. He shakes his head and goes to make a pot of coffee for when everyone arrives. Matt arrives first. He smiles sadly at me. Jeff points him to the report card on the table. Matt picks it up, reads it and shakes his head. I roll my eyes. Liv arrives next. She shakes her head at the report card and doesn't read it; instead she accepts a coffee from Jeff and sits down next to me. Again, I turn in the opposite direction. Jeff and Matt sit at the table and I can feel all three staring at me. This is not going to be fun.

Jeff: We're worried about you Rebekah. You say you're fine, but everything you do is proving that you're not. We're not against you Rebekah; we're here to help you. We all care about you.

I stare at the floor. The tiles are old and some of them have cracks in them. That's what happens when you raise three kids in a house, it gets broken.

Liv: Rebekah, please just talk to us.

I look up at her only, I'm not really looking at her, I'm looking through her.

Me: I have nothing to say to any of you.

I speak with a monotone, showing no emotion and I stand up. I pause for a second, no one objects or tries to make me stay so I leave the kitchen and go to my room.

I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. It's a plain white ceiling, pretty boring really but still stare at it. And I keep staring at it until I can hear raised voices downstairs. Sometimes, I wish I was deaf, that way I wouldn't have to talk to anyone because I couldn't hear them. That would be lovely. Despite this, sometimes having good hearing like I do, it's easy to listen to people through closed doors, especially when they're talking about you.

Liv: We thought that maybe she's getting bullied but I've seen kids that are being bullies and they do not act how Rebekah acts.

I can imagine the scene, Jeff pacing, Matt watching and Liv standing trying to make both of them calm down and see sense.

Matt: I'm going up there, I'm going to force what is wrong out of her.

I hear the kitchen door open.

Jeff: No, losing your temper's not going to help the situation.

I hear the kitchen door shut again. I decide to get up and creep onto the landing to get a better ear shot.

Jeff: Whatever happened has something to do with that guy who plays pool at the bar.

Liv: Agreed. She freaks right out whenever she sees him, April told me that last week when he came in she locked herself in the store room.

Silence follows. I can picture them all sitting down now in deep thought. They're getting there, half of me hopes they can figure it out that way I don't have to tell them, the other part of me doesn't.

Jeff: Do you think she was raped?

Bingo. There's silence that follows. I can imagine Matt shaking his head. He won't believe it or more, he won't want to believe it.

Matt: That's a bit extreme.

Liv: It would explain everything. The way she freaks out with some male customers. She won't let any men but you two touch her and she only has one friend, who happens to be female.

Jeff: She went to that party in the summer, when she came home she was a mess, she just said she was tired and went to bed then suddenly she stopped talking, eating and just genuinely caring about herself.

Matt: I think you guys are blowing things totally out of proportion. My little sister was not raped. She's just a teenager. She's acting like a teenager does!

I knew it would be Matt that wouldn't believe it. He hates drama.

Liv: Just think about it Matt.

Jeff: All the signs point to it Matt. Her friends all ditching her, we know that she called the police to end that party. We also know that Rebekah wouldn't call the police for no reason.

Matt: I… you're right. It just seems crazy, how has it taken us this long to notice it?

Jeff: She's hidden it well, Do you think she'd ever tell us?

Liv: I don't know, but we can't just march up there and demand her to tell us what happened and to go to the police. If she was raped then she's going to be scared. Petrified even, we need to go about this slowly and one at a time. We don't know how it happened or exactly when, we may know what's wrong but we still have a long road ahead of us and we need to support Rebekah the best we can. Okay?

Jeff and Matt: Okay.

**A/N: dun dunn dunnnnnnn, so Jeff Liv and Matt know what happened and so do you guys... next chapter should be up soon, we'll see what Matt Liv and Jeff will do about Rebekah and her situation, enjoy, read and review? **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Wrestlemania yesterday, I was hoping to upload this before then but my laptop charger is buggered -.- **

**I don't know if this will work but for the point of this chapter another POV will be added. Just spicing a few things up again :') mwuahahaha. Also sorry for the shortness but it's my story so deal with it :') mwuahahaha. Enjoy and Review?**

I pace around my room. The guys in the kitchen have hushed their voices and I can no longer hear them. I pace around my room in a panic. I don't know what to do. Do I wait for someone to come up here and play a round of 20 questions that I don't want to answer or do I run? I pace a few more steps before stopping and looking at the door. I run.

Slowly and without even stopping to think about what I would need, I creep down the stairs. That's the easy part, the hard part is getting out of the door without someone hearing it shut behind me. Our front door is overly large and made of thick wood which slams shut behind pretty much everyone. I tip toe towards it whilst throwing a glance over my shoulder before making a beeline. I pull the door open and jump through quickly before letting it slowly shut behind me and I don't look back this time. I just start running.

I don't know where I'm running or how long I'm running for when my body finally screams at me to stop. The spring air hits my face and the light wind blows around me lifting my hair up away from my neck. I bend over double and try to catch my breath before I realise where I am.

I straighten up and take a look around. Nothing has changed. I walk over to a large tree and place my hand on it. I retract my hand back and look at it. Nothing's making sense in my mind and the place is spinning. All I do know is that I don't want to be in this place again.

"_Oh Rebekah, you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen." Connor whispers into my ear as we make our way into the woods. I don't really know what's happening. All I know is that one of the most gorgeous and popular boys in the school is talking to me and wanting me. We lean up against a large tree trunk with it's branches looming over our heads and the moonlight shining through. As a lover of the out doors, it was the perfect place. Connor whispers more sweet things into my ear and nibbles. I melt into his arms. He's a year older than I am, it's only a year though. _

"_No one will find us here." He whispers with a smirk and I don't actually notice what's happening until I'm being laid down on a bed of leaves with Connor hovering above me. I try to roll him off but he places his hands on my shoulders to stop me and forces kisses on my neck. He has his trousers pulled down and I try to scream but no sound comes out. I try to cry out again but nothing. I can hear the music faintly in the background. I can't see where we are. I try to wriggle out of the way but I can't. He's too strong. _

"_Stop fighting me Rebekah. You're going to love this." He says with a low tone to his voice and an evil smirk on his face. He grabs hold of my legs and separates them. I thrash against him but again it's no use. I'm going to get raped and there's nothing I can do about it._

I jump back from the tree and turn my back to the place. A section of the woods that once held memories of a childhood adventure ruined. I start running. I have to get away from this place, I don't care where. I just need to go.

**Liv's POV: **

The chaos levels in the main Hardy household is above World War 3 as the realisation hits everyone standing in the kitchen. The legend is just sitting in his chair shaking his head and repeating the word no. Jeff's smoked about ten cigarettes in the garden and Matt's got his head down on the table. That's the problem with these Hardy boys, they have no idea how to handle a crisis and this qualifies as a crisis.

I'm getting fed up of watching them mope around. I cough to get their attention.

Me: We need to do something and we need to do something now.

Jeff looks at me, his eyes full of pain. Since the day I met him I knew that he cared about his family and especially Rebekah more than he cared about life itself. That's what tore us apart in the end. The fact that he didn't care about himself and he got hurt. I shake the memories from my head. I don't need Jeff and I's failed marriage to ruin the plan that needs to be made in order to help Rebekah.

Jeff: Do we call the police?

He sits down next to his Dad and all three of them look up at me with expectant looks on their faces. Why is it always me that has to play the hero?

Me: Not yet, we need to find Rebekah and we need to confront her about our knowledge.

Jeff looks at me with a frown.

Jeff: What do you mean find Rebekah?

I shake my head in disbelief these guys wouldn't see an elephant if it sat on them.

Me: Oh Jeffro, do you really not remember anything from you teenage years? Rebekah snuck out of the house about 15 minutes ago.

He jumps up from his seat and you can see the anger rising in him. Oh great. I roll my eyes and take a step closer to him.

Liv: Back it up Nero. She needed to get out of here, we give her five more minutes then we send out the search party. Whoever finds her needs to contact the others and bring her back here, don't ask her questions about what may or may not have happened just let her know that you're there for her and that she's now safe.

I look from Jeff to Matt and then to Gil who looks shattered. Matt and Jeff head off to get Shane, Beth, Shannon, Jules and Karen to help them search and I sit down next to Gil.

Liv: She's going to be alright you know Gil.

I try to comfort the ageing man but it doesn't work. He's shocked that this could happen.

Gil: Who would do such a thing?

I shrug my shoulders. I honestly don't have any idea but if it is who I think it is, he is in for a shock.

No one messes with my family and gets away with it. Okay, so Rebekah may not be technically family but to me, she'll always be my little sister. And revenge will be given to the boy who did this to her.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: OOOOOOH Aren't you guys lucky? Two chapters in one night! Kinda makes up for the shortness of them and I'm on a role mafakas. Anyway, this starts after Rebekah was found unconscious in the woods by the search party, just to let you know. Enjoy and Review. **

I can hear beeping but it's dark. Wait, my eyes are closed. I try to open them but my eyelids are heavy. This is weird. It's a weird feeling. I try to move my body but it doesn't work. I don't know what's going on? I can hear talking. It's Jeff.

Jeff: Is she awake?

He just walked in, I hear the door shut behind him.

Matt: Not yet.

Matt's here too. So According to Jeff I'm asleep. I don't feel asleep. I guess my eyes are closed and I can't move my body but I'm awake. I can think and I can hear. I try to speak but my lips don't move and no sound arises.

Matt: The nurse said she might be able to hear us. If we talk to her.

I hate nurses but she's damn right. I can hear you Matt! I can hear you Jeff! I'm shouting again but they don't hear anything. Jeff takes my hand, or it could be Matt I'm not too sure as I can't see them.

Jeff: Rebekah, I don't know if you can hear me but if you can I just wanted to say that you can do this, you can wake up okay? We're going to find justice for you, even if it's the last thing any of us do. So just wake up. Please?

I know he's crying, his voice breaks as he's speaking. I am awake Jeff! I can hear you I just can't move. Help me Jeff. Help me.

Jeff doesn't say anything, he's still holding my hand in his own and I can hear him sniffle every now and then. Matt's turned a radio on, he's playing All Time Low's album Nothing Personal, it's one of my favourite albums. I want to sing and dance but I can't. My body won't let me. I want to go to sleep now. I go to close my eyes but they're already closed. Jeff's still sniffing and crying when my mind shuts off.

When I "wake up" again, Jeff's no longer holding my hand. I know he's still here though, I can smell his cologne.

Matt: Jeff, have you spoken to Beth yet? She's worried about you.

Uh oh. Maybe this not being able to wake up but can hear everything and sense everything around me is kinda cool, I'm catching all the gossip here.

Jeff: No. When have I had the time?

People worry too much.

Liv: She'll wake up when she's ready Jeff, you need to go home to your wife and get some sleep.

Liv's here. I want to smile and hug her but I'm stuck in a body that feels like it's made of concrete. I wonder how long Liv's been here. There's silence that follows Liv's statement. It's because Jeff knows that she's right. Liv's always right.

Jeff: I don't want to go home, I don't want to sleep in an empty bed.

There's another silence. Wow. Like I said earlier, you hear all the gossip when people don't know that you can hear them.

Matt: What do you mean?

Jeff: Beth and I haven't been right in a while, I've been in the guest room for the last few months.

Now I feel bad, I've been so caught up in how I've been feeling that I didn't even notice that my big brother is also having a rough time. There's more silence and then I hear footsteps and there's extra weight on the bed.

Liv: You need to go home, talk to Beth, hold your daughter tight and then get some sleep. You should go too Matt, I'll stay here with Rebekah, I won't leave her alone and if anything happens I'll ring you.

A weight lifts from the bed and I can hear Jeff mumble something about not wanting to leave. I hate myself. Why can't I just wake up?! Why can't life just be simple for me?

Jeff and Matt say their goodbyes. I say goodbye to them in my head. I want to wake up, I want to hug them and kiss them and tell them both how much I love them and that I never meant to cause them any harm. I never meant any harm to anyone. I didn't even want to do this to myself! Or did I? I don't really remember what happened that caused me to be like this.

I feel Liv take my hand. She's sitting in silence just holding my hand, the current CD finishes and I can hear Liv changing to a new one.

Liv: Your brother told me I couldn't bring this one in, too much cussing he said. So I snuck it in, I know it's one of your favourites.

She's put on Dookie by Green Day and she's right, it is one of my favourites. Liv sighs.

Liv: What happened to you Rebekah? When you wake up, will you talk to me about it? The nurse said you might be able to hear us talk to you and you're so intelligent, I bet you can. If I tell you a secret will you tell me what happened?

Yes. I'm going to tell Liv everything from not wanting to go to the damned party in the first place to meeting Connor to everything that's happened afterwards. I'll tell her everything.

Liv: So, here's my secret, I still love your brother. I always have and I know I always will. When he married Beth, I knew it really was over between us. He'd moved on and I knew I had to. But I tried and I couldn't and I don't think I ever will. Anyway, it's not important. Like both you and I know, he's a married man now.

He's a married man yes, but said marriage is failing. He just admitted it himself. I want to hug Liv. I never really knew why Liv and Jeff broke up but it shocked everyone. They were soul mates, a bit like Amy and Matt. They'll drift apart and try to date other people, or in Jeff's example, marry other people but it will never work because it was written in the stars that they were meant to be together. I like Beth, she's nice but she isn't Liv. She isn't Liv.

Liv: Just try to wake up soon, I don't know how much more of this we can handle.

Those are the last words I hear before I drift of again. The sounds of Basket Case, one of my favourite Green Day songs ever replaces Liv's voice. Drowning out the world once more.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Because I think it worked well last time and because it works well in this chapter, this one is split into two points of view, Rebekah's and Jeff's. Enjoy and review? **

I don't know how much time has passed, people come and go and I still can't open my eyes. I try, I really do try but for some reason, my body is against me. Sam came to visit me; she painted my nails and bought in a few CDs to put on. She said that I'm probably bored of Green Day. She's wrong; I'll never get bored of Green Day. She bought in a few CDs of this band called Drowning Pool. They're really good. I like them a lot.

Jeff's here again. He hasn't really left. Liv pops in during her breaks and Dad's been here a lot too. Jeff told me how Matt and Amy have cancelled their holiday. I feel horrible. When I wake up I'll use my savings to send them on holiday, somewhere nice like Hawaii or maybe even France or Italy.

I can hear Jeff lightly snoring. He must be exhausted; I wonder how long he's been here just waiting for something to happen. I hate this. I hate this so much.

* * *

**Jeff: **

I jump awake to the sound of the door opening; Liv pops her head in and smiles. I smile back and look down at Rebekah. She just looks like she's sleeping; well essentially she is, just sleeping for a long time.

Liv: Is there any improvement?

I shake my head. There's been nothing, apart from the fact her chest is still rising and falling, I wouldn't even know that she's alive.

Liv: Have you been home recently?

I shake my head again. I just feel useless at home, don't get me wrong I feel useless here but I'm even more useless at home.

Me: Beth's taken Ruby to her parents place.

Liv sighs and takes my hand. I look at her, her long hair roughly pulled behind in a bun and she's not wearing any make up but despite that she looks beautiful.

Liv: How is Ruby?

I smile as I think of my daughter. She looks like me and is growing more and more every day. Her blonde hair is getting lighter and curlier; her blue eyes are getting bluer. She's crawling and she can now say momma and dada.

Me: She's amazing Liv, truly perfect.

Liv smiles. I want to tell her everything. Tell her that I have feelings for her, that it's her I want to be with not Beth.

Me: How about you? How's everything going with you?

Liv sighs, looks away and pulls her hand back. She looks sad for a second before regains her composure and smiles.

Liv: It could be better but the bar's doing well, I've postponed my trip to New York. It can wait until everything here is sorted out.

She looks at Rebekah and strokes her hair. It's only been in the last few weeks I've seen how much she cares for Rebekah, how much everyone cares for Rebekah. There's a few moments of silence of me watching Liv and Liv watching Rebekah.

Liv: That boy was in the bar again yesterday evening. I had to go and lock myself in the office and let April take over. I just couldn't look at him. The way he smirked and laughed, I wanted to hurt him and hurt him bad.

She has tears in her eyes and I reach forward and take her hand.

Jeff: We're going to see justice.

Liv smiles and nods before using her free hand to wipe away her escaping tears.

Liv: I know we are. It's just not fair, Rebekah's in here struggling to get better when he's out there, walking free and having a good time.

She shakes her head as more tears fall. I stand up and wrap my arms around her as she cries into my chest. It's an emotion rarely seen in Liv and it's an emotion that's been dying to be released for a while. I just hold her until she stops crying and raises her head. We stare into each other's eyes and as cheesy as it sounds, I can feel something. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I lean my head to the side and move closer to Liv as she does the same. I don't know what I'm doing but I can't stop it. Our lips meet and at that moment one of Rebekah's machines start going off.

* * *

They kissed. I'm sure of it. Something's happening to me, I can feel my heart beating fast and there's sudden warmth in my hands. I have the urge to attempt to open my eyes. I focus on my eyes and open them. I can see! My body starts to thrash around and I can't stop it. My eyes are open but they roll into the back of my head. I don't know what's happening to me. I've only just noticed the tube in my throat. I can't breathe, I'm choking. Help! Am I dying? I'm dying.

* * *

**Liv: **

The machine starts bleeping and I jump around. Rebekah's eyes are open. I press the emergency call button and within seconds a parade of nurses and doctors run in. Jeff and I are pushed back as we watch them try to calm down Rebekah. Her eyes are open but they're rolled into the back of her head and her arms are flying around with no real control. I grab Jeff's hand for security as we watch the nurses take out the tube out of her throat and replace it with nubbins in her nose. Almost instantly, she calms down and her eyes stop rolling into her head. She looks around and spots Jeff. Their gaze locks together and I can sense him relaxing. She's awake.

Nurse: Welcome Back Miss Hardy.

One of the nurse's smiles as Rebekah looks to her and smiles in a response.

Rebekah: May I have a drink please?

Her voice is weak and barely audible but it's there. I feel a huge weight lift of my shoulder. Jeff steps forward and stands by her side. He places kisses on her cheeks and foreheads as the nurse hands her a cup of water. Rebekah slowly drinks the water and puts the cup down. I catch her gaze and smile before slipping out of the room and head outside the hospital to call everyone. They should know that she's awake. She's awake.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews you guys have given this story! They honestly all mean so much to me. The later half of this chapter include some scenes that may not be easy to read but it is a turning point of the story so they had to be put in. Anyway, warning over so enjoy and review? **

I watch as Liv slips through the door and walks down the corridor, followed by all the nurses and doctors. I then look around the room I'm in. It's small and white. There are flowers and chocolates packed onto a coffee table next to the bed.

Jeff: Oh you scared me.

He leans over me and hugs me; I lift my arms up and place them around his shoulders.

Me: I'm sorry.

My voice is weak and sounds a little manly. Jeff straightens up and shakes his head.

Jeff: Don't be sorry. If anyone's sorry it's me. I didn't even realise what you were going through.

He shakes his head as tears fill his eyes. I shake my head and look away. They all know.

Me: Jeff?

He looks at me, guilt written all over his face, tears still in his eyes.

Me: Why am I in here? I don't remember.

Jeff smiles sadly and takes a seat on the bed next to me. He lifts his arm up and I lean forward then tuck myself beside him as he kicks his shoes off and lies next to me.

Jeff: You ran off after we worked out what happened. Liv and Ken found you in the woods behind Matt's place. You were so cold and limp. You were brought here with hypothermia which had caused your body to shut down and go into a coma. We were so worried about you.

He kisses my forehead. I frown.

Me: How long have I been here?

Jeff takes a deep breath.

Jeff: You've been out for just over a month.

Wow. That really is a long time. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

Me: I could hear you, when I was in a coma.

Jeff looks at me and smiles.

Jeff: So you already know then?

I look at him with a frown and he indicates to the door where Liv has recently slipped away through.

Me: About you and Beth and you and Liv? Yeah I know about that.

Jeff shakes his head and chuckles.

Jeff: Our little secret?

He holds his pinkie finger out to me. I smile and link it with mine.

Me: Pinkie promise.

I say with a smile. Jeff chuckles and we sit just listening to the CD that's playing. It's Jeff's favourite album by Pearl Jam. It's relaxing. The door opens and in floods my family. Liv comes in last with a huge smile on her face.

Liv: I took the responsibility to phone everyone and tell them the news.

I frown.

Me: News?

Liv laughs.

Liv: That you're awake dummy.

She goes and leans against the chest of drawers as one by one my family give me lots of hugs and kisses. Jeff gets off the bed to make room for Dad who comes in and places his arms around me. I wrap my arms around him and just take in a breath. He smells of oil and rusty cars but it's a smell I'll never get tired of.

Dad: I'm so glad that you're okay and I'm never letting you out of my sight again.

Everyone chuckles as Matt comes next for his hug followed by Amy and finally Liv. There's a light feeling in the air as the room fills with laughter and chat. It's the happiest everyone's been for ages and it's known. People inform me of what I've missed in the last month. Nothing really has happened apart from Shannon opened a new tattoo shop in Myrtle Beach so no one's seen much of him because he's stressed as hell. Matt says he sends his love though. I look around at my family all squeezed into my tiny little room and smile. This is what I've been missing and it took a coma to realise, my family is the best in the world.

* * *

Once most people have gone home, it's only Jeff and Liv left. Liv's sitting on the end of my bed and Jeff's seated in the chair next to me. Even now, I can sense the tension between the pair. It's not a bad tension though, it's a pent up romantic tension. I take it upon myself to make them talk.

Me: You two kissed didn't you? Right before I woke up.

Both of them share a shocked look before looking at me. Jeff knows that I heard everything as I told him earlier but this is new news to Liv.

Liv: How do you know?

I smile.

Me: I could hear everything that was going on around me.

Liv smiled and looked to Jeff.

Me: It's okay, I've pinkie promised not to mention it to anyone. I just wanted you to know that I know.

Liv chuckles and shakes her head.

Me: So what are you guys going to do?

They exchange looks again before Liv sighs. She looks a little sad, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up but I know Jeff and if I didn't, he wouldn't either.

Jeff: We honestly don't know Rebekah but I do know it's nothing for you to worry about.

I shake my head, typical Jeff, trying to tip toe around me and treat me like a baby.

Me: I do worry though; I want you to be happy, both of you.

Liv smiles and leans forward and wraps her arms around me before leaning back.

Liv: And we want the same for you, so until we've sorted out this mess, we don't matter.

I know what mess she's talking about and I should have known that the matter would arise sooner rather than later. I look away from the both of them. I don't want to talk about me or what happened. I want to talk about them; I want them to admit that they need each other, that they belong with each other.

Liv: I know you may not want to talk about this right now, but it's better to sort it out sooner or later.

Liv takes my hand and squeezes it. I can feel tears forming in my own eyes. I don't want to do this, not now, not ever.

Jeff: We need you to tell us what happened, we're not going to judge you or reprimand you, we just want to help.

I take a deep breath and try to control the tears that are now flowing freely from my eyes. I open my mouth to speak but close it again. I don't know if I can tell them. I snap my head up and remember about my diary. The last entry I entered before I ran away, it says everything that happened.

Me: Is my diary here? The one I've been doing for school?

Liv frowns and looks to Jeff who stands up and goes to my bag. He brings it over to me to look through; he has a real thing about going through women's bags.

I open the bag and look inside. There are all the CDs that have been playing whilst I've been here and underneath them is the diary. I pull it out and flick through to find the diary entry. I open it fully at the right page and hand it to Liv.

Me: Read it.

She looks at me with a confused look.

Liv: Out loud?

I shrug. It doesn't matter to me. I'm going to have to remember what happened soon enough any way. Liv takes a deep breath and starts to read.

Liv: Dear Diary, now that Jeff, Matt and Liv know what happened, I think it's time that you do too. I know this is meant to be for school purposes but actually, it's been good to be able to have somewhere to write down all my feelings, maybe before I go to school I'll rip these pages out. I'm not ready for everyone to know yet. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now and tell you about that night.

My brother has these parties every now and then. He opens his house to anyone and everyone and fills it with alcohol. This party he told me that I could invite people from school so I did, loads of my friends turned up, they'd always heard loads about Matt's parties so they were excited to finally be on the guest list of one. A loud of older guys turned up including a strikingly handsome guy with dark hair and dark eyes. His name's Connor and he's known around the school for being a player but all the same, his charming looks and way with words got me. Oh he got me good. We started chatting and even flirting. I wasn't drinking but he was. He wasn't drinking much though. He was saying really nice things to me and made me feel special. He kissed me, I've been kissed before but it was different to be kissed by a guy older than me and so gorgeous. I was so happy that out of all the girls at the party, he'd chosen me.

We danced and laughed, kissed some more. Then he suggested we go somewhere more private. My alarm bells started ringing and I asked Cara what to do and she said go with him. She was always with guys and she said it would be fun. So I did. I took his hand and let him lead me out of the dome and into the woods.

We were far away from everyone; no one would see us or even hear us. We could still hear the music but it was faint. He leant me against a tree and started to kiss me. It was good, I liked it but when his hands started to move over me. I stopped liking it. I tried to push him off but it was no use. He was way stronger than I am and he just pushed himself closer to me. I wanted to scream but I know it wouldn't do anyone any good, no one could hear us out here.

He kissed my neck and fumbled with his trousers. He undid them and pulled them down. My heart was racing. I didn't know what to do. I lifted my knee up and caught him in the groin. He let go of me and I started to run, I didn't get very far before he caught me around the waist and pulled me to the floor. He pinned me down with his own weight, a smirk on his face. He knew what he was doing. I couldn't think straight, I kept trying to push him off but every time I did, he pinned me down harder. He kissed my neck and lifted my dress up to my waist. He ripped my panties off and I knew then that there was nothing I could do, I screamed as loud as I could but he covered my mouth with his hand.

He used his other hand to push my legs apart and then he knelt in between them, still kissing my mouth and neck. He stationed himself and pushed his way in. The burning sensation flew through my body as he moved. I felt like my whole body was in flames, the pain was unbearable. I screamed out in pain but he carried on. When he finished he stood up. He pulled his own pants up before pulling mine up and picking me up from the ground. He placed a kiss on my cheek before leaving me. The words he said then will never leave my mind.

"Thanks beautiful."

I didn't know what to do. Every inch of my body hurt and I felt dirty. Not in the 'covered in mud' sense but in the sense that I was no good. In the space of 10 minutes I'd gone from loving who I was to hating myself. I ran through the woods to the pay phone on Boys Camp Round and dialled the police only when they answered the phone I couldn't say anything so instead I hung up and went home feeling worthless and dirty. I was just another one of his whores only, it wasn't by choice.

That's what happened to me, in the terms of law, I was raped. I was raped by Connor Lakeside.

Liv finishes reading and closes the diary. All of us are in tears, she puts the diary aside and leans forward at the same time Jeff does. Both of them wrap their arms around me and we stay like that for a long time. All three of us crying, me because that's the story of what happened to me and Liv and Jeff because it happened, and they couldn't stop it or protect me from it.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Helllooooo, thank you so much for all your reviews and I have some sad news, we're coming to the end of this story. (I know hate me all you want but this can't last forever) This is not the last chapter but there may only be two or three left, maybe more I'm not too sure but I know there's not many. I just wanted to thank you for all your support and I hope you sit it out 'til the end. **

**Some disturbing scenes in this chapter. You have been warned. Read, Review and Enjoy. **

I was let home yesterday. It took a week for me to be strong enough to be discharged, but it happened and I feel a little better just being at home. I'm not allowed to be left on my own though, so if Dad's not in, I'm at Jeff's or Matt's, Sometimes I go to Liv's with her or I go to the bar. Liv won't let me back to work just yet but she promises me that my job's still there. She's been really supportive; if I don't want to talk we don't have to.

Sam came round earlier; she had some gossip to tell me. Apparently, since it came out that I was _raped_ by him; two other girls have come out and said the same thing. I couldn't believe it when she told me. The police came to school and practically dragged him out of the canteen; she claimed he made a real spectacle of it. He was demanding that they let them go and that he hadn't done anything. Sure, he didn't do anything. It was nice seeing Sam and not being in hospital. She brought over some cigarettes and we went to Liv's as Dad and Jeff were going shopping. Liv let us smoke in the garden and she didn't disturb us all the time like Jeff does.

I'm still at Liv's now. She's going to the bar soon to start the evening shift and said I could go with her. I'm not sure though, I may just go home. I don't think I'm ready to go out to the bar during the evening shift yet.

Liv: I've just spoken to my mom, she's glad that you're doing okay and she sends her love.

I smile, Liv's mom could seem a little scary but she's actually really nice. I've only met her a few times but she is lovely. I nod in appreciation and Liv smiles.

Liv: Have you decided what you're gonna do this evening?

I shake my head. Part of me wants to get the "going out" stage over with but the majority of me wants to stay hidden away forever.

Liv: Shall I ring Jeff?

I nod. I hate the fact that I'm being treated like a baby but at the same time I really appreciate it. I'm just split in half at the moment, my head's not right. I don't think it will ever be right. Liv goes off to get her phone to ring Jeff. They still haven't sorted themselves out yet. I wonder if they ever will, I hope so. They're both not happy without each other.

Liv comes back from her phone call with Jeff and sits down next to me.

Liv: Jeff says that if you were feeling up to it, we'll all go to the bar tonight for dinner.

Liv's smile never leaves her face as she talks. I think about it, I don't want to go out. In an ideal world I just want to stay inside and hide forever. This is not an ideal world.

Liv: You're panicking aren't you?

I look at Liv and nod. There's this thing about Liv where she just knows what other people are feeling.

Liv: Shall I bargain with you?

I frown a little as a smirk appears across Liv's face.

Liv: If you come out with us this evening, if you feel like you need to escape you can either go sit in the office or come into the kitchen with April and I.

The thought spins around my head, there's a possibility that he could be there. Sam said that he'd been released on bail until his trial. He used to go to Liv's bar a lot. But, if he is there, I can go to the kitchen with April and Liv, maybe they'll teach me how to cook something awesome and I can cook it for dad one evening. I look to Liv and nod. What's the worse that could happen?

* * *

Being at the bar isn't so bad. I sit at the bar in between Jeff and Matt and sip my diet cola. Liv dips in and out of conversation as she rushes around keeping the bar running. I've always admired how well Liv runs this place. She does it mostly by herself and she doesn't even break a sweat.

It doesn't take long for Shannon to get distracted by a tall, thin but at the same time curvy, blonde girl who walks in and we lose him. Jeff turns to me smiling.

Jeff: Bet you $5 that the girl totally dismisses Shannon and he sulks back over here in, oh, 20 minutes.

I chuckle and shake my head.

Me: I bet you $10 that he comes back sulking in 10 minutes.

I hold out my hand for Jeff to shake and he does so with a laugh. In sync, we turn around to watch Shannon attempt to make his move.

10 minutes and a rejection later Shannon had re-joined us at the bar. His shoulder slumped as he took down 3 shots of tequila in a row.

Matt: What happened Shan?

Shannon looked up with a glare in his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. His usual rowdiness replaced with a 2 year old like sulk. Matt just laughed at him and he ordered more drinks for everybody. As a special occasion, me being out of the Hardy Compound, Liv had told us that drinks were on the house and the men were taking full advantage of this.

Every time Liv emerged from out back, she had something else to give to me. This time it was a small pot of candy. She leant over the bar and whispered in my ear.

Liv: This is my secret stash from the office, enjoy.

With a smirk, Liv walked back off into the kitchen as I smuggled the candy into my pocket, if I showed them to the guys they would eat them all. Being at the bar wasn't too bad. I just sat on my stool every now and then sneaking a piece of candy from my pocket and popping it into my mouth. Jeff and Matt had taken control of the jukebox, they seriously weren't letting anyone else near it. It was quite amusing to watch when a lanky boy approached them and asked if he could put on a song. Matt and Jeff just stared him down until he backed off. I shouldn't laugh but it was quite funny. Everything was going well. I even hopped off my stool and went to stand with Matt and Jeff.

Me: Can I chose a song?

Both Matt and Jeff shook their heads.

Matt: Just because you're our little sister doesn't mean that you can have control of the jukebox. This is our box now little lady.

Matt leans forward and ruffles my hair, he used the nickname he used to use when I was growing up. I scrunch my nose at him and turn around to go back to the bar. That's when I see him. He'd just walked through the door and his eyes instantly find mine. His smug smirk instantly changes and a look of pure hatred replacedsit. I take a deep breath and remember what Liv told me. Calmly, trying to look normal, I make an excuse to Jeff and Matt and turn to go into the kitchen to hunt down Liv.

I walk down the corridor towards the kitchen. I can see Liv and April laughing about something and I smile. I focus on them, I'm nearly there. I can do this. I'm pulled from behind and shoved roughly into the store cupboard. It's so dark that I can't see anything but I can sense someone. Him. The snaps shut and I hear the lock clicking into place. I try to get as far away from him as possible but the store cupboard isn't that big so my back quickly hit the stone wall.

Him: You've ruined my life you little bitch.

I sense him getting closer and then the light turns on. I can see his face, his snarl and the hate in his eyes. Within one step he's in front of his arms on the wall either side of my head.

Him: What's up bitch? Cat got your tongue?

He smirks to himself and I raise my knee and raise it in between his legs. He doubles over and lets out a hiss of breath. I slide round him and rush to the door desperately trying to unlock it but I know this door, it locks from the outside not inside. He must have had someone lock us in. Maybe that someone is still outside. He grabs my hair and pulls me back. I lose my footing and hit the wall hard. I don't know what to do. He's going to hurt me. I try to scream but he roughly places his hand over my mouth then frantically looks around him. He picks up a clean cloth from the pile and shove it in my mouth.

Him: You're going to get what's coming to you, you're nothing but a dirty whore. No wonder you're adopted your parents must have known what a waste of space you would turn into and they wanted rid.

I tried to keep the laugh to myself, he thought the jab at my real parents would hurt me but he couldn't be more wrong. I'm glad my parents didn't want me. If they hadn't have given me up, I would never have the family that I have now. My family. Slowly, without gaining his attention I slide my phone into my pocket, press the button to unlock it and from memory press the speed dial for Liv and let it ring.

Him: Do you have any idea what you've done to me Hardy? My life is a living hell.

He steps closer to me and whispers in my ear.

Him: Now I'm going to make yours hell.

He raises his fist and hits me hard in the stomach. I fall to the ground and just look up at him. He laughs and pulls my back to my feet.

Him: Let's play a game Rebekah. A game of you know you like it.

He reaches forward and tugs off my sweater and throws it to the floor. My phone in the pocket lands with a thud and I hope that Liv's heard enough to figure out that I'm in trouble. I close my eyes and pray. Pray for someone to find me soon. He pins my arms to my side as he leans over me and places forceful kisses over my face and on my lips. I once again lift my leg and catch him in between his. He double over and I run to the door and start pounding, I rip the cloth from my mouth and scream. I scream and scream and pray that someone hears me. Surely Liv must be looking for me by now.

I sense someone behind my and turn around to find him looming over me looking even more angry than he did earlier. He roughly grabs my arms and shoves me to the other side of the store cupboard. He lays hit after hit into my face and stomach. I can't hold back any more and let the tears fall from my eyes. It's no use their not going to find me. I'm going to be beaten to death in one of the places I feel safe.

Liv: Rebekah! Hold on honey we're coming in.

I snap my head up when I hear Liv's voice. He turns around and slides a metal bar through the handle of the door to keep it closed. I can feel my nose bleeding and my upper lip starting to swell. He turns back to me and smirks.

Him: Even with the keys, they won't get in.

He lays another hit to my ribs that causes me to fall for the floor. I hit my head hard on the stone floor. I open my eyes and he's leaning over me. I close my eyes again and pray, not again. Please, not again. I can hear his laughter and then a giant crash. There's light behind him. Real light.

I feel his weight being lifted off me and then I'm being lifted up and carried. Slowly I open my eyes and I'm faced with Jeff.

Jeff: You're safe now, I promise.

I try to take a deep breath but it hurts, I whimper in pain as I'm being laid down. I try to call out to Jeff but I can't. Everything hurts, more than anything before. I can't breathe, I open my eyes but my vision is blurry. What's going on? What's going on?


	18. Chapter 18

When I wake up, I'm back in hospital. I look around the room, Jeff's sleeping in the chair next to me. Even in his sleep, he looks exhausted. He looks, pained. I look around at my surroundings, flowers and cards line the desk as they did the last time I was in here. I start to think that it was all a dream. That is until I cough and a sharp pain shoots through my ribs. Jeff jumps awake.

Jeff: Are you okay?

I look at him and nod. He doesn't look convinced.

Jeff: Are you in pain?

I nod again. He presses the orange button by my bed and within seconds a nurse walks through the door.

Nurse: Ah, Rebekah. How are you feeling?

I shrug my shoulders which I regret because it hurts. I wince in pain and look to Jeff, he looks like he's about to burst into tears.

Nurse: I'm going to give you some pain killers through the I.V line, it should work quickly but it may make you a little sleepy.

She explains what she's doing as she goes about it. She fiddles with my tubes and once she's done she leaves with a smile and says she'll be back in a few hours to check how I'm doing. I look to Jeff.

Me: So what's the damage doc?

I ask with a smile. It feels weird, smiling but it's a nice feeling.

Jeff: You have 2 broken ribs but mostly it's severe bruising.

I nod in understanding.

Me: So why am I here then?

Jeff sighs.

Jeff: When the ambulance came they thought you might have a head injury, you were brought in for scans but you've had a lucky escape.

I nod again.

Me: Where is he?

Jeff chuckles before composing himself.

Jeff: He was here too, not anywhere near you though, it's safe to say that Shannon and Matt got to him good. He suffered a broken nose, a broken cheek bone and severe bruising. He's now behind bars until the trial.

He leans forward and strokes a strand of my loose hair away from my face.

Jeff: He's going to go away for a long time. We're going to make sure of it. We scouted out the best attorney in the state and he specialises in cases like this. He won't let us down.

I smile and look up as the door opens and my dad hobbles in.

Dad: Rebekah.

He rushes towards me and wraps his arms protectively around my shoulders.

Dad: My baby girl, you're going to be okay now.

He straightens up, he has tears in his eyes. I hate seeing my family hurt.

Jeff: I was just explaining about Mr Jackson.

My dad nods and sits down on the edge of my bed. Jeff stands up and declares that he's going to have a cigarette and some coffee and that he'll be back soon.

Dad: When I signed the papers that lead you to be mine all those years ago, I promised myself that I'd never let anyone hurt you ever again.

His voice is weak with tears as he takes my hands into his own. I fight back my own tears.

Dad: I've failed you Rebekah. I should have paid more attention to you in the past year.

He shakes his hand as a single tear escapes down his cheek. I shake my head.

Me: You haven't failed me. You'll always be the best dad in the world.

My voice is barely above a whisper but I know he heard what I said as I'm gently pulled into his arms.

Dad: I love you Rebekah, don't ever doubt that.

Me: I love you too daddy.

* * *

The doctor came to see me this afternoon, he said that I can go home so now I'm just waiting for a lift. Liv's coming to pick us up and take us back home. As I walk through the hospital towards the exit I vow not to be back here for a while.

Liv's standing outside leaning against the bonnet of her car. She smiles when she sees us.

Liv: If it isn't my favourite Hardy.

She says with a smile as she opens the passenger door for me to get in.

Jeff: Why thank you Liv. I always knew I was your favourite.

Jeff beams at Liv as she sticks her tongue out and playfully hits him around the head.

Liv: Dream on Jeffro.

I laugh and watch as the pair exchange playful glares and both get in the car. I smile, it's the first time since all of this started that I've seen them display their connection. I look to dad and he has a look on his face that's hard to read. He leans over to me.

Dad: Those two are destined forever. That I believe.

His voice is barely audible but I hear him clear as day. I nod in agreement. He is not wrong. The majority of the drive home remains in silence. I think about Liv and Jeff and about how much has gone on between them. People at school used to talk about soul mates all the time. Cara used to believe that she would meet her soul mate one day and that everything would be dreamy and she would live happily ever after. I never believed her. I didn't believe in soul mates, that was until I met Liv and Jeff. They're soul mates and as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. They won't be able to live happily any way but together. It's been proven. I vow to ask Amy about it. She knows Liv better than anyone. Well, it's to be expected they're sisters and they're real close so I bet she'd know.

When we get back home, Liv follows us inside. I excuse myself and go to my room. I sit on my bed and take a deep breath. It feels good to be home. I look around my room. Nothing has changed. Not even an item of clothing or anything. My closet doors are still open and my diary is still on my desk. I stand up and walk over. I asked Jeff if I would be going back to school and he shook his head. He doesn't think it's a good idea. I know he doesn't. I pick up the diary and sit down. What started out as a school project became the beacon of my sanity. Written down in the ink stained pages were the deepest secrets of my existence. I put it back down on the desk and stand up. I find myself walking towards my closet and climbing inside.

I sit in amongst old clothes that haven't been worn in months with the doors pulled to. They're not completely shut, but they're not wide open either. This place became my safe haven. My hiding place when everything got too much. My break from reality.

I hear my bedroom door open and someone walk in. It's not Jeff, the footsteps are too light to be him and it's not dad for the same reason.

Liv: Rebekah? Are you in here?

Me: I'm in here.

The doors of the closet open to reveal Liv standing in just outside. She frowns.

Liv: What are you doing in there?

I shrug because it's the honest truth. I don't know what drew me to this place, but something did.

Liv: Can I join you?

I nod and shuffle over a little so there's enough room for Liv to squeeze in in between all the sweaters and old shirts. She sits with her legs folded up to her chest and leans forward to pull the doors closed but leaves enough gap between them to let a little of the light from my room shine in.

Liv: How're you feeling?

Me: I'm okay.

Liv smiles. Her face is lit ever so slightly by the light creeping in through the gap in the doors. She really is beautiful.

Liv: Have you ever let anyone in here with you before?

I shake my head. This was always a place just for me. It was my hiding place, no one else's.

Liv: Well I feel privileged that you've let me in here and you know what?

Me: What?

Liv: I need to find myself a hiding place like this in my house.

I chuckle.

Me: Hiding places are always useful.

Liv laughs and we sit in silence for a while. It's not the awkward type of silence, it's the comfortable type. It's the welcomed kind of silence. A silence that helps you clear the thoughts in your head. I look to Liv beside me. She has a deep, thoughtful expression on her face.

Me: Do you love Jeff?

She turns to me and smiles.

Liv: I do. I always have.

Me: Tell him.

Liv shakes her head.

Liv: I couldn't do that.

I frown.

Me: Sure you can. You could just run up to him, slap him and tell him at the same time.

Liv laughs.

Liv: Why slap him?

I grin.

Me: Because it'll wake him up enough to see what's standing in front of him. You know that I'm right. I know that I'm right. Everyone knows that I'm right. You two just need to stop fooling around and get a grip.

I slap my hand over my mouth as I realise what I just said. I look to Liv. She's smiling.

Me: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that.

Liv shakes her head and wraps one of her arms over my shoulders.

Liv: Don't apologise Rebekah because you are right. You are so damn right.

I smile and lean my head on Liv's shoulder.

Me: So you're gonna tell him?

Liv nods.

Liv: I'm gonna tell him.

**A/N: A lot of dialogue in this chapter so I send my apologies about that. Dedicating this chapter to KatieWoo, just Liv was involved in a lot of this chapter and Liv is her OC.**

**If you want to read about Liv and find out more about her head on over to KatieWoo's profile (if you want a quick link she's in my favourite author list) and read her stories about Liv starting with Another Me, seriously you won't regret it! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Read and Review? **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry it's taken my so long to update! Please don't hate me too much but as a forewarning, updates will be slower for all my stories for a while. Again, don't hate on me too much. Anyway, r****ead, review, and enjoy.**

I'm awoken by my phone ringing. Which is strange, it never rings. In all honestly, I'd forgotten that I'd even got one. I lean over the side of the bed and pick it up. I answer it without looking at the caller I.D.

Sam: Get up and get dressed.

Me: Why?

Sam: Because Rebekah, I'm walking down your drive way now. See you in a few.

The phone call ends. I chuck my phone onto my bed and stand up. I wince at the pain in my ribs. It hasn't gotten any better in the past few days and it seemed like it never would. I find some jeans and a semi-nice T-shirt and throw them on just as I hear the front door opening. Sam's visited enough now to know just to walk in. I hear her call out a greeting to my dad and start walking up the stairs.

I open my bedroom door and meet her on the landing.

Sam: Good you're ready. Let's go.

The thing about Sam is that she wastes no time. She always makes a point of getting to the point, if that makes sense? I follow her back down the stairs and shout a goodbye to dad. He replies and I'm rushed out the door. He must already know of Sam's plans otherwise he wouldn't be so happy to just let me go.

Me: Are you going to tell me where we're going?

Sam grins as she hands me a cigarette and a lighter.

Sam: Well you remember when we first met and we skipped class to go to the mall?

I nod. I remember it clearly, it was a good day. I liked it.

Sam: Well today we are taking a trip down memory lane. We are going to the mall and we're going to smoke cigarettes and window shop and eat junk food and then we'll come back here and well, I haven't got that far yet.

I laughed. I'm glad I met Sam. She's made the past year or so a little easier. We walk to the bus stop and climb on. Sam pays for both the tickets even though I say that I have enough money to pay for myself.

We sit at the back of the bus and people watch. We spend most of our day people watching. We laugh at the people with see through pants on and we chuckle at the small kids that think they're all high and mighty.

Sam: You know how I can tell you're feeling better than when I first met you?

I shake my head and frown.

Sam: You talk more. You hardly ever spoke when we first met, you talk more now. Still not as much as a normal person, but more than you used to.

I smile and light up another cigarette. We're sitting on the same wall we sat on nearly a year ago. Sam's right. I do feel better than I did back then. Maybe when people say that time heals wounds, they're right. Or maybe it's because I know he's going to pay for what he did. Either way, I feel better and I'm glad that people are noticing.

* * *

On the bus home, I over hear two women talking. They're talking about him. Apparently, he's been all over the papers and what he did is now public knowledge.

Lady 1: Those poor girls, I could never imagine the pain they must have been through.

Lady 2: It doesn't bare thinking about. The first girl was the same age as my granddaughter. They go to the same school, it could have been her. It sickens me.

The lady shakes her head as the pair fall into silence. Sam smiles at me and leans forward and whispers something to the women in front of us. The women both look shocked and sad.

Lady 1: I can't believe that he got away with it for so long.

Sam: He's gunna pay for what he did now though. I know the girl who got attacked the other week, her family have got the best attorney in the state. He's not going to get away with it.

Sam turns to me with a proud smile on her face. I smile back. I know she's talking about me and my family. She's not wrong. Jeff and Liv hunted high and low for the best prosecuting attorney, and they hired him.

Lady 2: That's good to know, how is the girl?

Sam smiles and looks to me.

Sam: She's getting better. She's making improvements every day. I think she's going to be okay.

The two women smile and say their goodbyes to get off at the next stop. Once they're gone, I turn to face Sam.

Me: Do you really think that I'm going to be okay?

Sam: I don't think it, I know it.

I smile and blink the forming tears from my eyes. Sam smiles and leans her head on my shoulder. We spend the rest of the bus ride back to mine in silence.

We get off the bus at the end of Boys Camp Road and walk down to my house. When we round the corner of the drive way, I see Liv's car on the drive. I frown wondering why Liv would be here then I spot the golf buggy from Jeff's place out the front too.

When Sam and I get inside, Jeff and Liv are in the kitchen and Dad's nowhere to be seen.

Liv: Hey guys, had a good day?

I nod and Sam grins as she helps herself to a drink and pours me one too.

Me: Where's dad?

Jeff: He's gone into town with Matt.

I nod as Sam hands me a drink and we exit the kitchen leaving Jeff and Liv alone.

Sam goes to walk up the stairs but I motion for her to stop. She gives me a questioning look, I point to the door and settle behind it out of sight. Sam nods in understanding and follows my lead.

Liv: I don't know if I can Jeff, you've only just split with Beth. The divorce isn't even finalised yet.

Jeff: Then I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready.

Liv: That's not the point. What are people going to think when they find out that you left your wife for me?

Jeff: Livvy, you need to stop worrying about what people think.

Liv: I know, but it's easier said than done.

Jeff: I know, just take a chance.

We hear movement in the kitchen and decide to make a dash up the stairs. We run as fast as we can without spilling our drinks and trying not to laugh.

Once we're safely inside my bedroom. We both collapse onto my bed and erupt into laughter.

Sam: Do you do that all the time?

I nod.

Sam: That's awesome, I'm gunna start doing it at home. I know, you should become a spy. You'd be great at it. I could picture it now.

We erupt into more laughter. I feel free and happy for the first time in a long time. I can't remember when I last laughed like this or felt this free. Momentarily, and I don't know how long for but I'm happy.

We both calm down as there's a knock on the door and Jeff pokes his head around. Sam stands up and places her empty glass on my desk.

Sam: So I'll be off. See you soon Rebekah.

She says with an innocent smile. She nods at Jeff as she ducks past and runs down the stairs and out of the house. I smile at Jeff as he walks in and sits next to me on the bed.

Jeff: I know you two were listening.

I shrug my shoulders innocently and fold my arms across my chest.

Jeff: How much do you actually know? You're silent but always listening.

I shrug my shoulders again and look to the floor. I don't feel like talking now.

Me: Are you and Liv going to get back together?

Jeff shrugs his shoulders as a wave of sadness crosses his face.

Jeff: I don't know. I sure hope so.

I nod.

Me: You will. I know it.

Jeff smiles and puts his arm around my shoulders.

Jeff: That's good, do you know what I know?

I shake my head. Jeff smiles.

Jeff: I know that whatever happens, we're going to be okay.

I nod and lean my head on his shoulder. Before now, I wouldn't have believed Jeff but after today and my glimpse of happiness, I do believe him, I know what he said is true; We're going to be okay.


	20. Chapter 20

_Dear Diary, _

_This is the last time I will be writing to you as I have to hand this diary in because a) it's nearly the end of the school year and b) because I won't be returning for the end of the school year. _

_It has been decided that I will return to school in the fall because everything will hopefully be over by then. The trial for him is in 14 days and I don't know what's going to happen after then. I've been assured over and over that he's going to be found guilty but there's part of me that is not sure. What if somehow he's found innocent? What if he finds me again. _

_Dad wanted to move away, he was going to sell his part of the Hardy Compound and move to somewhere else, somewhere far away from everything that happened here. I managed to persuade him that it wasn't needed. That I don't want to move. It's the truth, Jeff's here, Matt's here, Sam's here. I may not have many friends of people I trust and love but the few that I do have, I never want to lose. I've lost too much to lose any more. _

_Beth and Ruby were over the other day letting Dad see Ruby. The divorce is on it's way to being finalised and Beth's moving to the centre of Raleigh. She didn't want to be in the Hardy Compound any more and that's understandable. She promised both me and Dad that we would still be able to see Ruby any time we wanted and she gave me her number. She told me that if I ever wanted to get away that I could still contact her and she would come and get me. I thought that was nice and I promised that I would. I said that maybe one day soon, I could go and stay with her and Ruby for a night or two. She liked that idea. I'm glad that she's not alienating herself because of the divorce. I like Beth, really I do. She's kind and fun to be with. _

_Once they'd left, Dad and I went into town for dinner and ended up in Liv's bar. Even though Liv wasn't technically serving pancakes at the time, she made me some. Dad and I stayed for a while before going home. We rented a movie from the rental place, V for Vendetta, I'd never seen it before so Dad and I watched it. It was okay. I'd class it as a man's film really. I could see why it was popular amongst that gender. I went to bed that night feeling happy again. Everything was starting to work out and it was wonderful. I just hope it will last. _

_From Rebekah._

I close my diary for the last time and remain seated at my desk. I think about the trial and what could or could not happen. Because of the evidence, I don't have to stand up and speak but that's also because in all the meetings with the PA's (Prosecuting attorneys) I haven't said a word. The psychiatrist I had to go and see said it was part of what's known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She said that my voice should come back with time and she was right, because it has. She also said that I was very brave. I didn't like her. She was patronising and kept giving me looks of sympathy. I hate sympathy. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, feeling sorry for me doesn't help. It happened and it's something that everyone has to deal with. I look out the window, from my bedroom window there's a view of the woods and the fields that surround the Hardy Compound. There's a bird flying above the treetops every now and then the bird stops flapping it's wings and just glides in the air. I think about being a bird and how wonderful it must feel to have the freedom to fly.

There's a knock at the door which tears me from my thoughts, I turn around to see Jeff poking his head in the room.

Jeff: Good, you're awake. Liv's cooked dinner for everyone.

He smiles as I stand up and follow him downstairs. When he said everyone, he meant everyone. Already seated at the table was Dad, Shannon, Shane, Karen, Sebastian, Matt, Amy and Ruby. Liv was hovering over the stove perfecting something. I sit down at the table in between Amy and Jeff. Amy smiles at me as I sit down. I smile back but then look away. These people may be my family but there's more of them than I would have liked. The room feels crowded and my breathing keeps getting caught in my throat. Is this the last supper or something?

Liv brings out the food to the table, she's prepared a roast with all the trimmings. She places serving bowls of vegetables along with roast potatoes and then finally a huge joint of gammon. Everyone imediately starts tucking in. I put a few potatoes and some carrots on my plate as I wait for Shannon to finish carving his meat. He looks and smiles.

Shannon: Shall I carve you some m'lady?

I chuckle and nod. Shannon is the kind of person that never fails to cheer you up. He's goofy and loveable. He places three slices of meat on my plate and hands it back to me. I nod a thank you and look down at the plate of food in front of me. I munch on the carrots listening to everyone talk about their plans.

Jeff's returning to work after the trial and just in time for the Bound For Glory tournament. Shannon's looking to expand his tattoo business with help from Liv's cousins. They're going to twin their shops of something like that I'm not too sure as I'm not really listening. Ruby sits in a high chair at the end of the table, she giggles as she splats her hand into her dinner. She gets away with it because everyone's engrossed in conversation. I pull funny faces at her from across the table. She laughs and claps her hands. I continue to make faces at her until the plates are being stacked. Both Ruby and I have hardly eaten anything. Jeff takes the plates up to the sink and all eyes fall onto me.

I swallow the lump in my throat, why is everyone staring at me? People watch me all the time. I know Dad's been standing in the doorway of my room during the night when I'm meant to be sleeping and every time we have an occasion like this there's never a time where someone isn't watching me. It's like everyone's watching and waiting for me to break. They want to see me fall.

Jeff: Would you like desert Rebekah?

I shake my head and hope that they're going to let me go.

Dad: You can go then.

I nod a thank you and after placing a kiss on Ruby's cheek, I rush out of the room and into the safety of my bedroom. I lie back on my bed and sigh, there's only fourteen more days until the trial.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed that little filler chapter, now you can all click the review button and send me some nice messages. ;) **


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